Wednesday, March 15, 2017

No, I really don't want to talk about it...

We recently have had two women killed by ex- boyfriends
or other…they were abused. They went thru the system.
The system failed them, as it does in so many cases.
The last one, should have been put in jail. He broke
the DO NOT CONTACT order. He should have had
his guns removed from him. But the court did nothing.
The system is broke.

Every time, a story like these come to the news, the
subject of abuse is hashed over and over.  Some
people know someone who has been abused. Some
children are surprised to learn their mothers have been
abused in the past.

Some think that those who were abused in the past,
should talk about it.. It will help they say.. it doesn’t.
We don’t want to talk about it. It is in the past. We
don’t want to bring it back up to surface. We learn to
deal with it.  We have gone on with our lives, and
learn that all of life is not like that.  If we are lucky
enough to get out of the situation one way or the
other, we consider ourselves lucky.  We can acknowledge
it happen, but that is the farthest we are to go.  See to
really talk about it, brings up the memory as if it happen
just hours ago. The hands around our necks, sliding
down the wall, until your child screams.. the kicking
of your legs,and back and head.. the slapping across
your face.. the demeaning words.. all like just hours
ago.. So no, we don’t want to talk about it..  We are
just glad we got out alive.  Many have not.

They ask.. why didn’t you get help?  From whom?
50 years ago there were no support systems. The
family didn’t want to get involved.  My mother told
me when I asked for help of $100 to start a divorce..
“That I had made my bed, I could lay in it.”
Your family doesn’t know what to do..afraid the mess
will come to their house. Only the strongest of families
will step up and protect.. And sometimes they have
lost their lives.  There was no homes to run to, no
one to call.  I stashed money away, and then I got
strong enough to go to a lawyer. Got papers served
at his job.. Oh, he came home madder than mad. I
thought I might get killed.  I had packed his bag with
his things. And he left. I slide down the door after
locking it. I didn’t sleep well for months, almost a year.
It was a rough road to travel. Some ways he was
relieved, as it gave him open door to run
around out in the open.  There was ups and downs.
I even took him back, but did not marry him. Because
he pleaded for the kids sake. That lasted one month.
and then it was done once and for all. He got married.
opening the door to custody cases .. one after another.
I had gotten married.
And finally the kids grew up.. He became the Dad he
should have been to them.. And he died with them loving
him.. I wouldn’t have it any other way.  But I was one of
the lucky ones, I got out alive.

The system is so broke.  There is no protection. The
piece of paper she walks out of the court room is worth
less. After all, is there going to be a body guard living
with her? No. And the worse ones, don’t care about
the paper. They will get revenge one way or the other.
If he can’t have her…. No one is going to have her.
What is the answer? I don’t know.. but when the man
breaks the order, like the last one did…. Shame on the
Judge.. he let her down.. he let her 5 children down.
There has to be a better system.



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