Parenting a two way street..co piloting

I don't know which is harder,... being a step parent or the spouse
of a step parent. Neither is easy. And in the
beginning it can try your marriage.. And surviving thru it,
attitude is 95% of how to make it thru.

Once a young man who lost his wife, who had two great kids,
was talking to a friend of mine. He said his future wife was great.
She loved the kids as much as he did, if not more... AND THEN,
he said the words of doom... "But I am not ready to give up the
reins to her to discipline the kids." My friend and I looked at him
in disbelief. He just got done saying she might even love the kids
more than he did... My friend stepped up to the plate and said..
"Well, maybe you shouldn't be getting married, because being
parents is a two person job."

He had a shocked, almost hurt look on his face. But you could see
he thought about it. And then said, I will have to really think about this..
"I guess I have been in charge for so long, (7 and half years)
I forgot what it is like to share." My friend asked him if he was going
to continue doing all the housework with the kids only? He said no.
Are you going to pay all the bills, and not talk to your wife about them?
Again, no.. If there is a big decisions come up for the family... are you
going to decide them all? Again, no... So my friend added, well, then
why in the hell would you not share parenting with her?
Remember it is shared, not you "letting go".

Being on both sides in my life time, I can tell you..it isn't easy. And
some times the kids don't help it be easy. They know the natural
parent is an easy mark. But ours learned really fast.. the words of
doom for them.. "I will talk to your mom/dad about it, and let you
know". When they find out that the two parents are on the same
page, it is hard for them to put in a wedge. And that is up to both
of you parents... natural or step.