Death Be Damned....

Death affects us differently.   And a lot of it depends on

how that person died.

Those who suffer greatly, like with cancer.. or such...

we get to the point where we can't take our love ones

painful ordeal, that we welcome death for them.  Even

though it tears our heart out that they are gone.  Yet we

get to say good bye to them and have closure. 

Then there are the sudden ones... the car accident or the

out of nowhere heart attack or such.  It is a rip of an

emotional band aid off of your mind.  No good byes. 

There are reasons, sometimes, that you can adjust to 

and understand...  even though it still tears your heart

out.

And then there is suicide.  This time, a rip of your

heart out. Your mind going through it over and over.

The "If only"... the bottomless pit ... the useless pit, of

if only I had said...if only had done this, or if only I

could have been there.... the if only... is a deep,

helpless pit.  

Then comes the next phase of it.... the handling of

the affairs.  Finding out the information you need

to take care of their affairs.. as there is no warning,

there is no list to follow, there is no will, there is

no nothing... So you blindly, thru tears and anger,

go thru papers, try to find all the papers.  Going

down the funeral home and face reality of cost,

which you didn't save for.. but find the money

anyway.  Then going thru the rest of the person's

personal things...and decide how to get rid of them.

And you play the hurry up and wait came of the

legal system.  And you wonder, if life will ever

return to what you thought was normal again.

Depression.. we hear a lot about it in the news media.

Robin Williams and such.  You feel bad for the family.

The articles on depression, you read everyone if you

have a family member who suffers from it.  Trying

to understand it.  So you will know how to help.

Some times you can... some times it take others...

and some times the black hole of depression grabs

our love ones, and you lose the battle.  You both do.

Once again.. this death .. has no good byes.. if there

is.. it is one sided.  

We need better laws to address depression... we need

better approaches... we need help... Hopefully the program

and building in the town south of us.. will have some

of those for the others.   

Good bye, our smiley pixie girl.