Walk beside Alzheimer’s

Walk beside Alzheimer’s

There are millions of caretakers mates who walk along Alzheimer’s every single moment of the day.

One of the hardest part of any marriage is taking care of your love one.  The hardest in my opinion is the ones with Alzheimer’s.  Cancer is hard as you see your partner waste away bit by bit… and if you are lucky, it will last 6 months to a year.. or two.  The worse part of it, that is..  But there is an end of the terrible tunnel, so to speak. 

Now with Alzheimer’s there seems to be no end of the tunnel. As one can suffer from it for 5 years, 10years or even 20 years. With a healthy body but only the mind being effective, it can be a long time.

Some give in, and put their love ones in an institution. And no one can fault them for that. It is extremely expensive. ESTREMELY.. Sending some to other options.  Divorce being one of them.  So they can financially save the remaining spouse.  The remaining spouse still being just as devoted as if they are still married.  Divorce for those who are in their 80’s and 90’s is a horrible blow.  They NEVER thought of getting a divorce all their married lives. Thru sickness and health, they signed up for.  But there comes a time, where they are over their heads. And an institution is the only resort. 

Others hang on. Taking care of the spouse at home. Financially is a equal reason here too. They know they can’t afford a health care for their spouse. So they hang on..every day, every moment… making adjustments. LOTS OF ADJUSTMENTS…. Some are the physical.. Like putting locks on doors that you don’t want anyone to walk out in the middle of the night.  Locks on drawers.. locks on stoves, so they don’t turn on the burner and get burnt.  Taking furniture and moving it so it is less likely to be tripped over. Removing rugs, (not carpet). A constant awareness of what can be a hazard to the spouse.

Then there is the adjustments of handling things, and saying things… so not to confuse the spouse more. When they become confused they can become combative, because they don’t understand. 

I learn when I was a nurses aide in health care center and doing some home health that, you step into their world.  Don’t argue, find a way to get around the subject in hand.  Some times… the spouse will find a window into our world.. and everything makes sense.. To the point it gives the caretaker spouse hopes of recovery.. But in Alzheimer’s there is no recovery. Only moments of sanity.  Enjoy them while you get them.. as they will be far and between.. and eventually will go away all together.

There will be moments of laughter. Moments where, like children, they will say the damness things.. that will make you laugh and get thru the day. Enjoy these. If you are lucky, you see and hear them often. But not often enough to make it easy.

There will be moments when the twinkle of their eyes will remind you of the good days, The smiles that will melt your heart when you two were in your 20’s.. Enjoy them… they too, will get you thru the day, especially those days, when you think you can’t do one more day.  Take pictures, of the good days, for your memories for later.

And most important…find help.. some places will offer a respite for a couple hours, for a reasonable price. Some have for free.   Take an hour or two to go shopping, and maybe a cup of coffee or lunch with a friend.. while some one visits with your spouse. THIS IS HUGE.. you won’t survive without it.  Hopefully you have family…  children, grandchildren.. who can come over for a couple of hours and visit with Mom/Dad … Grandpa/Grandma   and that way you won’t have to pay for it.   Thankfully they have children locks on cars now.. so you don’t have to worry about going to a dr. office and have a car door swing open while you are driving down the road.

The reason why this is HUGE… because if you don’t get help… you will die.. I am not kidding.  More spouses have died BEFORE their love one has.

If you are just starting out .. walking beside Alzheimer’s, I wish you luck, I wish you amazing patience and compassion.. as it will all be stressed to the max.  But it is doable.  You will have the ride of your life time.  Some of it sad, some of it funny, some of it heart breaking, as you lose your love ones mind. But if you can go along with them… not question them when they don’t want to talk, don’t argue with them.. walk gently… and you will make it thru it.  There are althernate ways of saying things..  Instead of saying we are going in to the living room…  tell them.. let’s go look out the window to see what is out there.. then after a bit of looking, say, let’s sit down.. my legs are tired..   Be creative.  Might have to remember the creativity you used when your children were small.

God Bless, the caretaker, remember you are not alone.. there are sources out there.. ask. ..