Putting on the Ritz

Caution…warning… .

Not for men or children,,


Have you seen the new girdles?
I told myself I was never going there again
I had quit at least 30 years ago…

Yet one appealed to me… the new body suit.
Girdle is a girdle…but now they call them body suits.

Putting one on, is a gymnastic ordeal… and even
puts one to shame, I am not a skinny, agile person
anymore, that is obvious other wise I would not even
be trying this. The torture of one's body.

You know, how it is ladies… You hold up this new
product and laugh as you are wondering how you
are going to get this over your leg, never mind your
body.

Being an old nurse’s aide and having experience of
putting on Ted-hose… you know to bunch it up and
stretch as wide as you can… then start at the bottom
and head up… slowly, pulling, pushing… well it isn’t
a pretty picture.

As I got it almost in position 20 minutes later and a
lot of cussing, I noticed something different about
this suit. It must have been designed by a woman.
Had to be… after all, there is a hole in the crotch.
Now any woman who has put on a tight girdle or
put a child in a snow suit knows… nothing is worse
than being in an outfit and then have to go to the
bathroom.

So there I was in my body suit. Put on my clothes,
and this wasn’t bad. It doesn’t make me thin, but
it keeps me from looking like a bag of marbles.

Then a horrible thing happen…. An hour later,
I was getting ready to go to the store, and of course
before I can go, I have to make a pit stop. THEN IT
DAWN ON ME… there was something wrong with
my plan…. See as I was so carefully putting on my
Body suit? And happy about the new crotch area?
I forgot that I had put my underpants UNDER my
Body suit!!!! So off goes my shirt (to get the straps
down) down goes everything. Best laid plans of mice and women…