We are broken….

We are broken….

 We are still   broken..

Yesterday, we had to make a decision we knew was coming someday.. WE DID NOT WANT IT YESTERDAY..  Over the years I have written and showed pictures of our sweet four legged child.

She would have turn 15 in August…  In such a sudden move.. she was mobile and then she wasn’t ..her lower half went completely out. She went from being outside with me.. running around the yard.. to being the kitchen begging for scraps.  Me giving her the pan with piece of chicken stuck to the pan..  To coming into get on the couch with me.. But not climbing up the stairs as usual.. but looking at me and me getting she didn’t want to use the stair.. as she has had trouble getting up them lately… So I raised her up on to the couch..

She snuggled in as always.. and then she peed… So not like Misty.. never in the house.. never mind on the furniture…  I picked her up and took her outside to go to the bathroom.. telling her it was ok. I wasn’t mad at her.. She walked down the ramp, kind of limping.. so I am watching her go across the patio to the grass.. As she starts to head back to the ramp, I see now she is dragging her one leg.. pulling with her front and trying to help with the other rear leg.  I ran to the ramp that she was trying to get up..  I pick her up.. took her in the house.. and sat her down to watch her drag herself again.. Picking up her once again, put her on the couch.. feeling her legs up and down. No broken bones…. She doesn’t cry out, like in pain… I did range of motion on her.. no crying out, just looking at me in annoyance.  Once again.. I put her on the floor.. held her up so she could stand on her legs..  NOTHING… so put her back on the couch.. and waited for the King, as he had gone to the store.. 

I broke the news to the King as he sat on the couch with Misty and I. Then I put her on the floor again so he could see.. she dragged herself over to the living room to our tears.. and turn around .. looking at us.. seemingly happy, then sadness broke on her face as she peed across the dining room floor.  She never pees in the house. She did years ago. When she was a pup, and always looked embarrassed when she did. So when she was potty train. She never did it again.

I looked at the King.. tears are coming down his face… He said I can’t let her be like this..  I told him we could use a diaper and carry her, if he couldn’t let go…  He said, no, I can’t watch her suffer like this.. And he cried.   So he called the vet, they told him to bring her in after he gave them the rundown of what was going on.. 

We went straight in.. they looked at her.. and they agreed to what we thought..  And the kindness of kind was to let her go.  So we held her in our arms together.. as she got her first shot.. and then the second shot… when we thought she was gone, we bawled.. but somewhere she got a last minute bit ..like she didn’t want to go either… Then they gave her a second shot..  and she passed. We bawled. The Vet cried. The vet assistance cried…

We got home.. and bawled.. by ourselves and then together.. Wailing ugly bawling… from me..  sobbing crying from the King…  you see,

She was our mornings.. getting up to kisses... she was our day as she romped about the yard... she was our nights as she laid between us...

So seeing the empty couch… seeing her ramp and dishes, hearing no one bark to go outside..  and worse yet.. getting into bed, and no one between the two of us..hogging the covers.. It was hard to go to sleep.. I cried in my pillow…  I heard the King crying in his.. as he snuggled up to me and held me..  Oh, GOD this hurts..

Today, it was dismantling the ramp to the deck.. removing the stairs to the couch and chair..  removing the toys, the shampoos and etc. to give to others.. and some was thrown away.. Giving her travel bag that she would go nuts when she saw it on the floor, knowing we were heading out to a trip… and she knew she got to come to..

No more barks to tell us it is time to go get the mail.  …Oh, GOD this hurts..

it is still hard.. but know that we will be ok... to use the words that I have used a lot lately... THIS TOO SHALL PASS.. here are some pictures of our baby.. 

She loved to wrestle on the floor with Ken

As soon as she heard the 4 wheeler start up.. she wanted outside and on it..

This is her other wrestling buddy..  she would growl at him but loved it..

she loved being with Ken.. even enough to endure the winter sweater

She and Rokon loved to play together.. 

 Ken even snowblowed a path for her to run in the winter and go potty

EVERY TIME.. she head the tune for the ice cream truck.. she would cry .. even when she heard it before us..  lol  and the ice cream lady loved her.. Thank you Abbey

Once she got use to the sweater she didn't mind it so much 

AH, dad's cookies..  

checking out to see if the coast is clearLet me check out the area first to see if I will get yelled at..

OH. how she HATED this sweater in the beginning

 waiting to see if Dad had drove up from work yet..

COLD OUT.. so she would pull a blanket over her and sometimes we wouldn't even see her in it

 ONE FINE SUMMER DAY.. when she was young...

 looking to see if she could get any hand outs...

 ROKON was her best buddy from the beginning.. I think we had her about a month..at this time. 

 my daughter made her a Christmas outfit.. she was not amused

 She would snuggle right in under the covers

 When I dumped the wash out to fold it.. she would get in the middle of it and sleep.. 

 She and Rokon.. passing a snowy day togeher..   Rokon passed away 2 years ago..

AND THE FAMOUS VIDEO..... no greater love has a man, except for his dog.. 
who so totally loved him..