Living until you die….
I saw this
on Facebook… and it made me think…
My friend Kerri Grote died this morning. While I am still processing, I wanted to share the words she left to be read upon her passing. Life is short. I hope they bring you perspective, inspiration and healing like they did for me. R.I.P Kerri. I love you.
"If you’re reading this, this fu$king
brain cancer probably got me.
But let me be crystal clear while I’m able: I
did not ”lose a battle” against cancer. This is a ridiculous, steamy pile of
horse shit that society has dumped on cancer patients. Western medicine, and
Western culture, especially, is so uncomfortable talking about death that
instead it created this “battle” analogy that basically shames people who die
from cancer.
News flash: None of us gets out alive from
this rodeo called life.
There is no shame in dying from cancer – or
any serious illness. And it doesn’t need to be a battle. It’s a transition that
each of us will go through. I was asked by a shaman, whom I spoke to after my
second brain surgery, “Are you running towards life or running away from
death?”
Whoa! That got my attention.
There’s a BIG difference. I got it wrong more
often than not.
Don’t let fear fuel your choices. Live
fearlessly. Run TOWARDS life. Don’t worry about what people will think. Trust
me, it doesn’t matter.
Focus on you. Be true to yourself. Be your own
best friend. People who tell you you’re selfish are not your people. If the
voice in your head says these unkind things, get a new voice. Honor your mental
health and seek out a good therapist with the same vigor you’d search for a
romantic partner.
Speaking of, be intentional about cultivating
friendships that lift you up. As those friendships grow and change, don’t
overlook them while you search for that “great love of your life.” (No, I’m not
suggesting you sleep with your bestie. But you do you!)
Another unhelpful message that we get from
society is that we need a “love of our life,” as a romantic partner.
Single and childless when I was diagnosed with
terminal brain cancer, I looked around my life and came up sputtering and
sobbing from the wave of grief washed over me. I thought I’d be doing this
alone… no husband, no kids, no “great love.”
How wrong I was. At the first appointment with
my neuro oncologists, one of the nurses diligently hauled in chair after chair
for the great loves of my life who came with me that horrible day and many days
after that.
I sat and listened while the doctor explained
the 12-month treatment plan, focusing on my breathing, then looked around the
room…. filled with great loves of my life: incredible women friends whom I had
met at various stages of my life.
Surround yourself with people who contradict
that unkind voice, people who see your light, and remind you who you are: an
amazing soul.
Learn how to receive these reflections from
your people. Because they are speaking the Truth.
Love yourself, no matter how weird and silly
it might feel. Every morning, give yourself a hug before your feet hit the
floor. Look deeply into your eyes in a mirror. Say to yourself, out loud, “I
trust you.” That voice in your head might say you’re a dork. Ignore it.
As I prepare to leave this body and embark on
this mysterious journey of my soul, I hope these observations from my deathbed
are somehow useful.
What I know, deep in my bones, is that
learning to love myself has led me to be able to say this: I’m so proud of how
I lived.
May you, dear reader, feel the same when you
head out on your soul journey, too. Until then, enjoy the ride. And always eat
dessert first, especially if there’s pie!"
After reading it.. it reminded me of a time
and a resident at the nursing home I worked for.
When I was working at the nursing home, there was a woman who was in pretty good shape and in her 70's.. she had given up..
So one day after I got off work, I stopped by her room.. we
talked and then I told her.. I told her, that she had a decision to make....
she could sit there and wait to die... and that could be quite a while.. OR she
could go out and enjoy everything life has to offer UNTIL she died.. .. I told
her, I would leave her to make that decision herself.. I had 4 days off.. when
I came back.. one of my fellow workers told me that the woman was gone.. I
looked in horror of how fast she passed.. and my co worker told me.. OH NO, SHE
DIDN'T DIE... She also left a message for me to tell you..... that message? “Hey
Cis... I decided to go find and enjoy life.. THANKS.”. I was blown away.. but
so happy for her.. it worked so well... lol.. that I have used it a couple
other times.. lol..
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