Monday, June 26, 2017


Yesterday was Julie's 57th birthday... and she has been gone for a month to the day. 

But the thought that came to mind, was I WASN'T READY YET... rarely is one ready to lose someone.. Especially ones's child. 

So we start the FIRST.. the first birthday....check.... to go will be the first Christmas, then my birthday.. (always got flowers and a card) the First Mother's day.. also a card and flowers day... and of course a call..

And then there is the everyday... Facebook... seeing things pop up... June 13..2015..Meet Me At The Beach... where we all went and Julie and my youngest walked the beach with me in the early morning..with coffee in hand... these are the good times, that get me thru this.
So one First down.. 3 more to go..


Thursday, June 22, 2017

Throwback Thurs... to June 30, 2005

Where do I start? I have thought this
over in my head and now to try to put
it down on paper so to speak, how do
I write it?

My mother was a horsewoman. A true
blue horsewoman . You know the type.
She live and breathe horses. When she
rode horseback, she was part of the horse.
No matter what kind, American Saddle
Bred, 5 gaited or jumpers. They were all
one - she and the horse. I think in all of
my mothers life she was happiest on a horse.

I, on the other hand, was the greatest
frustration for my mother, especially when
you mixed me and horses. I loved horses,
don't get me wrong. Just I didn't jive as well.

They told me for years how at the age
(of no fear) 3, that we had a horse that
was a barn rat. It always ran back to the
barn. Sometimes I could turn this horse
back around before it got to the barn. Other
times the horse made it in to the barn,
but within seconds the horse shot out of
the barn and back to the ring with me still
on and at the reins. That was at 3. It made
my mother so proud and she would brag to

Somewhere between 3 and 8, I
guess I became horse stupid. As there was
a time I was taken to a show and put in a
class. I don't know what happen in that class,
but I ended up in tears and cried to get out
of the class. Which my mother lead me out
and back to the trailer with her head hung
mortifying . She didn't retell that story, only
the end of how embarrassing it was.

At about 10, a mouse colored gray with
black mane and tail, and a single black stripe
from mane to tail - pony arrived at our place.
Mom gave him the show name of Mighty
Mouse. He ended up with the stable name
of BUCKY, which he came by honestly. Bucky
was to become my show pony.

So in the Spring, he and I started out. The practice
was to be 2 times around the ring at a walk.
2 times around the ring at a trot. 2 times
around the ring at a canter. Then reverse
on the ring. Same process. We started out
ok. The walk went fine. The ring was oblong.
One end near the barn. We trotted ok. Then
at the top of the ring we were to start to canter.

Which Bucky did about 7 steps - bucked me
off and headed across the ring to the barn
and stopped at the gate. I picked myself up
and went back to the gate and got Bucky. I
got back on and back around we went and
I was bucked off again. I went back to Bucky
to arrive at the same time as my mother .
Who was watching from the dining room
window. My mother was a tough task maker
when it came to horse riding lessons. I got a
tongue lashing for letting go of the reins.
lesson that is still drilled in my head. Bucky
and I were dispatched back out to the ring.
I was bucked off again. Another lecture about
staying on. I did keep the reins. And was
dragged. Bucky also got a lesson from Mom.

After several tries, Bucky and I decided we
better stick it out together. With a few
exceptions, Bucky and I got along so to
speak for the summer. Then from October
to April our only contact was feeding, stall
cleaning and brushing daily. Which Bucky
took in stride. Then came Spring. Where
Bucky would buck again and Bucky and I
would go through Mom's wrath and lectures
to becoming one again. This was our yearly

Then one summer Mom decided we would
become jumpers. She had Holy Smoke.
Jumping Champion of R.I. and Southern
New England
for 5 straight years. She would
train Bucky and I. We started out ok. Mom
put up 1 foot jumps. And we took that in stride.
The next day 2 foot jumps. Then we had the
pro jumps with crossed bars, which was 2 feet.
We did those. It was fun Bucky and I decided.
The next day was 3 feet. It looked bigger as it
was straight across bars. With much
apprehension we galloped up to it - and we
made it over.. 2 days later she went to 3 feet 6
Now I know 6 inches isn't that big of a deal,
except when you are galloping up to it. On a
pony. Well, I guess Bucky thought it looked
bigger too, as we galloped up there, he decided
to go under it. Leaving me with the bar on my
hands for at least 10 feet before we got rid of it.
So Mom put one set of crossed bars and one
straight. We made it over. Well, kind of. When
we went over, there was so much space between
Bucky and I, you could throw a dog through.
But we got to the other side, mostly together.
I was still sitting in the saddle - mostly. My
mother's face was of surprise and shaking her
head. She gave me a quick lesson of how to
lean forward to the neck of the horse (pony in
this case) to lift my hind end up slightly. So we
did a few more. I don't know how Bucky felt
but to me that jump didn't get any smaller.

Mom felt good about it as the next day, after
a few more - she raise the jump to 4 feet!!!
Well, off we galloped. The closer we got, the
more I hated that jump. I guess Bucky did
too, as he skidded to a stop. With me on his
neck. Mom said take a 20 foot or so more for
the lead into the jump. So we went back and
around the top of the ring. Off we went, around
the corner and down towards the jump. Mom
was closer to the jump this time. What the heck
is she doing, I thought. We were almost to the
jump - I hate this jump. And Mom let out yell
that scared the hell out of Bucky and I and we
made it over. I don't know about Bucky but
my heart had had it. We came around and she
said go again. So we galloped up again. And I
was saying PLEASE Bucky get me over this jump.
I hate this jump. Well, He must have heard me
as he got me over that jump!! HE didn't go. He
planted all four in to the ground and I sailed
across and down on to the ground JUST in time
to spook Bucky who put it into reverse. AND
OF COURSE, I am still hanging on to those
REINS and so the jump and I come back at him.
30 feet later Bucky, in blessing, came to a stop.

I now have dirt in my eyes and mouth, my shirt.
I have been banged on the jump bars and holder.
-- YEA, RIGHT. No way. But then I remember
the saying. Hell has no fury, as that of a woman's
scorn, but even worse is my mother's. I got back
on. I am shaking. Bucky is shaking. We gallop
up and it is skid city. Bucky wants no part of
this and neither do I. So she gets on and she
races him around the corner and over they go.
She goes around again. And over the jump she
went. NOT Bucky. But Mom did. End of lesson
for the day. The next day we were back to 3 feet 6.
Sometimes Bucky felt up to it and sometimes he
didn't. I had been under, over AND through those
jumps. I was sick of it. Finally Mom gave up us
being champion jumping pony partners.

As the years went on Bucky and I went on to be great
friends. I could take him out to the big field and
we would play Gene Autry or some other western
star. Up and down the little ridges. And then we
would relax. I would put on a halter and off we
would go. I would lay on his back as he ate, and
I would make things out of the clouds as they
floated by. We had a big nursery across the
highway, that Bucky and I would go to and down
to the creek and have a picnic. I use to be able to
stand on his back and ride across the field. Got
my brother up there too. But he fell and somehow
land on my foot as I came down too. I was in a
cast for weeks. Then in 1955 I rode Bucky to a
friends house across the island and we rode around.
I was late getting back and was walking Bucky to
cool him down and Mom was mad. April 5th.
there was a trailer in the driveway. I wonder what
horse Mom was getting now. We weren't. They
were loading Bucky. It was my 15th birthday. I
never got to say good-by. It took 20 years for me
to get close to horses and my mother again. Teen
years are hell on parents and teens alike.

I had a few horses of my own. Rode a few that
belong to others. But now I see a horse and I can
understand how an old truck driver feels when he
sees a semi truck go by. You sure miss them but
you can't afford them anymore. And don't have
the room to ride them anymore. For those of you
who do. Bless you, my spirit rides with you. And
from a woman point of view and maybe guys too.
There is nothing like a horses neck to rap your arms
around and have a good cry, when things go bad.

May God always have room on earth for horses to roam

Wednesday, June 21, 2017

H.I.P.A.A. policy....

In the 1990’s there was a law or policy that
Passed in the medical organization..but I
Believe it also laps over to other parts of our
Lives. We get notices from time to time from
Our financial companies of privacy policies.

For those who aren’t aware of what H.I.P..A. A.
stands for…
HIPAA, the Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act, it is for your privacy about your health..
No doctor or hospital is to share your
information with anyone unless you tell them to
do so.. and a lot of times that has to be in writing.
The exception is .. other Dr. and your insurance
Company.  Even if your wife or children want to
Know about your health condition, what meds
You are on… the Dr. and the facilities are not to
Disclose that information with them, with out your
Say so. There are huge fines for violating that act.
So the usual reply is to be.. he/she is resting

So it makes me wonder.. does it drop after
You die? Because the media is full of disclosure
After actors and public person, died… Such as
The recent death of Carrie Fisher.. She is far from
The first one, and I doubt it will be the last.
To me, it is none of our business what that
Person died from. Or even what ailment the
Person is in the hospital. Unless you are
Related to them by blood.. so it is a health

Issue for you as well. 

Tuesday, June 20, 2017

Talk Show Host...and it is beyond me

The King and I had been watching NBC, at 6:30pm on
Sunday night.. and then that lead into the new show with
Megan Kelley…. And her interview with a talk show host.
Alex Jones.   I had never heard of him.  Did catch a little
Bit on a news show or something about how she got panned
For his interview.

The Sandy Hook school killings were a hoax.. For those
Under a rock.. that is the school where the teenager went
In and shot and killed 20 some odd children and teachers.
In Connecticut.  

How this clown can believe that is a hoax is beyond me.
How he figures that the parents in their grief would make
This up.. is beyond me.. And frankly it disgust me.. click
Turn channel…

It is hard to believe this so called excuse for a human
Being.. has such a great following (from looking to see
Who is this piece of work) is beyond my understanding.
To even think that such a foul person, with such foul
Thoughts, who feeds the minds of some people who
Live in American is …… again.. beyond me.

He makes Rush Limbaugh seem like a Sunday school
Teacher.. I don’t like Rush either.

I had wondered if this is the world of today. Are we
Promoting hatred talk shows?  But I do remember
Reading years ago about a hateful talk show host.
He was kind of a Archie Bunker type…at least he
Started out that way.. and then got a lot worse. I
Think his name was Joe Pyne.  (just looked it up.
And yes that is the name)  So this hate talk is not
New. Wish it wasn’t so. 

With the shootings, running people over and etc.
We really need to mellow out, find tolerance, find
A way to turn this curve of hatred that seems to
Gather as it goes down the hill.. Because if we don’t,
This world.. yes, world.. won’t be worth a damn.
Never mind America. It breaks my heart to hear it,
See it.. and I won’t watch it.

Like a drop in the bucket.. if we were all to be kinder
To our fellow man/woman… maybe it would make a
Difference.  Some how, I don’t think that is going to


Monday, June 19, 2017

Officially old.... or older....

Hate to say I am old.. so will say older..
But it is official.

Went to the eye doctor on Thursday, and after
Quite a bit of examining .. I am legally qualified to
Drive but not by much… Cataracts have decided
To increase from last year..

So in August, I go in for one operation..and then
Back 2 weeks later to get the other one done.
Got to admit I am not looking forward to it.

The King went about 2 or 3 years ago. Did great.
Said it was no problem at all.. and it was quick.
That it was, because the second time I got to watch.
First time the camera’s weren’t working.  But still
I am nervous about it.

So with cataracts.. I am feeling older

Thursday, June 15, 2017

Let me tell you about a Dad.....

Usually when we talk about a Dad, we talk about
Our own.  And I did have a great Dad…

But let me tell you about another Dad…

This guy came to the family, with out any children
Of us own… Never been married before. Married
At the age 47.

In a lot of Portuguese families.. one son gets
Left home with the parents.  And if the father dies
That son, is left to help our the family left at home.
Each child leaves home to do their own thing.. But
The left behind son… takes care of the Mom, after
All have flown the coup.  Some times the son is
Married and has chlld and it becomes a 3 generation
Home.  But a lot of times.. he doesn’t.

This guy is one of those. He watched as his oldest
Brother left, as well as the younger brother and the
Sister. He was the dutiful son.

But then he got wrangled into a family of 8 kids.
Luckily for him.. they were all adults by the time
He joined us.  But I can tell you, he fit like a glove.
He is called at least once a week by one son..
The other sons, check in.. often too. They are the
Ones who he calls when there is a auto problem
He can’t solve. Same with them.  And they are the
Boys who came and painted his 47. 

In August we go see one of the granddaughters get
Married.. and then spend a week helping one of the
Boys remodel his garage.  He volunteered.

The oldest he goes fishing with, when he can.
The girls..well, as I noted the other day.. when one
Of them got mad at me.. she was still talking to him.
The other one, who lives local, can rely on him to fix

He loves tormenting the grandchildren. And he is always
Teasing the local one who they do auto projects together.
And the great grandchildren.. are always getting hugs,
And lots of loves. And they take naps together in his chair.
 He even got up at 11pm to run to
The hospital to welcome in our great grandson to the
Family. And to hug his grandson, the new dad…

He might not be blood related.. but don’t try to run that
By the kids, grandkids or even the great grandkids.
See his is DAD… POPPA….and I proudly call him,

HAPPY FATHER’S DAD, the KING…of our family.

Wednesday, June 14, 2017

Weather, weather...we always complain ...

What is up with this weather?  We were in the
50 and then hit high 70’s… back to rain and
50’s… then 80’s… we weren’t  even ready or
adjusted to it.. But that is ok, because we hit
the 60’ and a couple 50’s.  And rain..
AND WIND… my gosh the wind has been
So wicked..

But these days we hate to complain, because
You know.. it is just a matter of time before the
Dead heat of the summer will hit us.. and we
Will once again.. wonder are we really practicing
For hell?   And we truly will believe there is a global

Tuesday, June 13, 2017

The New Normal.....

Yesterday, we started the “new normal”. It is where
We go back to what we use to do, but with an
Empty spot in us.  After all the things that have
To be done, after a person passes.

Back to the laundry on Monday, out in the yard
Pulling weeds, and the other normal things
One does day after day.

Did have something curious happen to me in the
Past 2 weeks..

A couple weeks ago, I was helping a galpal. She
Broke her arm, so I offered to come over and
Plant her plants that she started in her green
House.  As she can’t get down on the ground
And plant them.   But we ended up working on
A old garden area, that she decided she wanted
To turn into a chicken run.  Figuring it would help
The garden for later.  So using old wood and etc.
We put together.. patched together a make shift
Pen.  While doing it.. it became kind of frustrating
Because I would pick up a board to use and she
Would tell me.. ‘not that one, or no, not that one either.
They were all old boards and some of them partly
Rotted.. So to me, what difference did it make. But
It is her project..  about that time.. a butterfly
Buzzed me by…. And then back again.. A yellow
With black butterfly.  Didn’t think much of it, but I
Did find myself mellowing out and continue helping

Now fast forward to this past Sunday… we are
Out at a friend’s house.  It is the place with the
Bears.  We took our daughter there with her
Husband.  I have a picture of her.. and she looks
Like a 4 year old, with an expression of glee, as she
Sees and feeds them.   The King and I were sitting
In chairs and looking over the lawn towards the old
Cabin, where the bears hang out.  And as I thought
About Julie’s reaction to the bears… a butterfly..
Yellow with black on it… just like the other one ….
Buzzed by me..and then back again.. by the King
And i… I looked at the King.. with a question like
Face.. and he said.. wow…

I told my granddaughter about it.. yesterday.  And
She told me that the 2 day after her mom had passed,
She was outside.. and she too… saw a yellow with
Black butterfly… she had a calming feeling and told
Her 6 year old about it.. the 6 year old went to look
Out the window… and that very same butterfly came
Up and landed on the window in front of her face.. and
Then flew off.

You might think I am crazy… but I feel like it was Julie,
Letting us know she is ok.. And my granddaughter feels
The same.. especially after I told her what happen to

So today, is day two of the new normal… not fond of
The new normal… but will get thru it..

Monday, June 12, 2017

Nothing feels as good as home..

As we were traveling home from Longview, Washington, on Thursday..
Nothing reminded me more than that …I love Idaho.

It was a combo of many things.. It was the weather, although Idaho
Does get similar weather… it was the people… I thought our group
Could be a little rude…but nothing like dealing with some of the vehicles
On the road on highway 5.  And then there is the Olympia to northern
Tacoma parking lot that they call a section of highway.

And then there was the Highway 90 group.. which had construction, of
Course… which did not add to the enjoyment of the drivers. We got
Flipped off more times, just for following the rules..  The signs said,
Left lane closed ahead… So we got over when it was possible. Never
Nudging, or demanding our space…  So as we were following the
Traffic along for about 3 miles.. at the last minute whose who passed
Us on the left.. all sudden felt entitled to be let in front of us.  And
When we followed those in front of us.. we were told we were number

Then there is the housing.. one on top of the other.. not apartments,
Just houses that were what appeared to be, 10 feet apart.  And
Apartments.. WOW… in Seattle.. they are huge, Someone referred
To them as people warehouses.. that about covers it..

So when we started across the wonderful Long Bridge (that
Is it’s name) it was glorious.. We still had a little over 2 miles

To go yet.. but it seem like arriving home..  

Tuesday, June 06, 2017

another break and then back again

As you read LOSING A CHILD.... we are heading out this afternoon for the celebration of life.
So will be back sometime Thurs.. and back blogging next week.
Those who pray.. send some travel prayers as we make this long quick trip..