Raising kids is not for sissy..

Raising kids is not for sissy..

I did the best I could with the knowledge I had..  which wasn’t much. No real books .. don’t count Dr. Spock… No examples until I was in my 20’s. More like how not to be.

Children are a challenge to everything you know.  Starting out isn’t too bad, as it is basic.  And the first year is a sweetheart honeymoon time.    As the child grows it becomes more challenging.   I always kept in mind, not to raise my children like I was raised..   Whether they listened or not..  I did love them so… and told them so daily.

Even when I got the every child remark…  I don’t love you anymore, mom,  when they were angry…  my reply was …  gosh, I am sorry to hear that.. but I LOVE YOU… so much…   and walk away.  So I am pretty sure my kids always knew I loved them. 

Some times that love is challenged by outside forces..  Starting with school, where the kids learn not only the ABC’S of school but the school yard education.   I am sure you all heard..  well, Jimmy’s mom would let him do…  (what ever the thing of the days was) and I would tell them.. I am not Jimmy’s mom… and I have to do what it takes to keep you safe and healthy.  And I love you enough to do that.

Now matter the age, I tried to make life fun.  To make memories of camping. And etc   Working hard together, yet we laughed a lot.  It also gives them the understanding that working hard produces a life style but also there is a time for fun.. to just be loose… laid back.. and not take life so seriously.

When they reach teens then it really gets hairy.  The child that was such a good kid from 1 to 13, suddenly doesn’t think you know anything.. and you are not up with the world.. That there is better ways of doing things.. some times.. getting things without working hard for it.   My kids had learn over the years, that there is consequences for bad behavior.  There is accountable for bad choices.  Lesson’s learn hard. 

Then there is the late teens..  where they start to remember that you do have some intelligence .. you and your husband.  But they still think they know best.  Some times you just have to let them learn their lessons the hard way..  

Once they make it to their 20’s you are getting more intelligent.  But still you have old fashion ways.  And on the rare times they do ask you,……  what would you do if you were me?    I tried not to tell them what to do..  that usually comes back to bite you..  so I learn to give options..    So they would think about the option and how they think that might work out. 

When my child got their own houses…  my thoughts are.. their house, their rules..  When they become parents.. their children… their rules. And that part is fun to watch as you see your grandchildren become the best revenge you have on your own child.   At that time, you become the support part of their lives.  Never doing for them.. but backing them up.. AND not financially..   Remember when you were getting older.. no one financed you.. (unless you were from a very wealthy family).. so give them the same chances.  If you LOAN them money… make sure it is understood it is a LOAN.. and accept the repayment.   If they don’t.. chalk it up to a learn lesson and never have money available for the child again..  they will have to learn on their own.. And it will be rough.. even might be rough to watch. But they learn just as you did.

And the disclaimer for here is…  DRUGS…  I was blessed.. my children did not have a turn at drugs..  Oh, I am sure there was a few who tried it at one time or the other.. but they soon learn it interfered with what they wanted in life..   THIS IS A BLESSING… for those of you out there that have children who fell down into the drug hole of life.. my heart breaks for you… I have no answers for you.

Looking back 60+ years later.. I did the best I could. Others might not agree, but didn’t walk in my shoes. I did the best I could..  with love and hope for the best..  judging by the person in the mirror..  making sure it was right.  And mostly with God’s help.  I was not their best friend..   I was and AM their MOM.... after they turn 21, we came to be more friends...