Many years ago....

                                                     the youngest and the oldest...

Today, my oldest daughter, Julie would have been 58.

Just stating that… still hurts… as she passed away last year

In May. Just one month exactly to the day of her 57^th birthday.

Over the years we had a roller coaster relationship.  Some of it because she was trying to make me more than what I am.

She thought I should have spent more time with her..

without interference of her siblings…  It took until she was almost 50 and a divorce with her children being young adults, to learn that you love all of your children equal, no matter what the circumstances are.  Those living closer aren’t love any more than those who are living far away.  That when you have a slew of kids.. like I do… I loved each and everyone equal. I love them because they are different… they are their own persons.  You are closer to some than others because you live closer or maybe you have more in common with some of them more than others. The ones you don’t have as much in common, you champion their differences, you are proud of what they have become.  You understand that they have a busy life, and you aren’t always talking to them daily. All of which does not make them lesser in your eyes.. 

And I think Julie learned that as her kids grew up.

Wish it hadn’t taken so long for us to mend that fence. Some times we get so busy with life, we don’t stop and think. We figure… oh, well, they will come around.  And life goes by.

Luckily for the two of us… we did mend that fence almost 3 years before she passed.  Which makes losing her harder.

Luckily I got to get her to understand, that I loved her.. that I had always loved her, even when I didn’t like her much. (smile).  And that I would ALWAYS LOVE HER… And she understood it… now.. We packed a good share of memories in the past years.. thankfully.  And I miss her..