I am not the woman that I use to be….

I am not the woman that I use to be….

One of the things I have learned as I age, that after 70 the game changes…. And you lose a lot…  it is physical and mental.

I use to do anything…that I thought I could do…

I changed the water pump on my friends car because the one who would have helped her was my husband.. but he was in the Vets hospital 450 miles away…   So I told her to buy the pump… Told which one as I use to order parts for my husband.  When it came.. I took off the old one and installed the new one..  Start it up .. wha la.. perfect.. even changed the thermostat for her while I was there.   Why did I do it.. because I thought I could..  Watched my husband do a few….. As a helper of getting tools for my father, and then my husband.. helping him from time to time… I watched.. 

So I always had the, I think I can do this.. changed tires, even when I was 9 months pregnant.  Got out and put my own gas in the car before  everyone HAD to.  Washed my own windows, and etc.. check the oil.. check the transmission fluids..  

We got pigs, I built the pig pen and fencing for it.. I slaughter the rabbits we had for dinner… hauled hay…

I smashed cars for junk.. with the equipment we had. If you read back in the Roslyn days, you saw where I smashed a load of cars while waiting for my husband to come home from Minnesota..

It wasn’t because my husband wouldn’t do it… it was they were busy too..  and I just do it.  Although if they were slow in doing something.. I was ot beyond doing it .. even if I didn’t know what I was doing.. so they would be scared of how it was going to come out, so they took over and did it right.  haha

I was just use to doing… something needs to be done.. do it… but now?  Hell, I can’t even open a jar by myself anymore.. Are jars tighter than they use to be?   I know I have not been doing enough of regular exercise.. sloughing off with the idea that yard work in the summer and shoveling snow in the winter is enough… But I have lost a lot with those ideas.. So on my bucket list will be do more..  more walking.. more regular stretching exercise… the old adage..  don’t use it… you will lose it.

I am not the mother I use to be either.

Now my children are now  not only adults, but grandparents, themselves.

But they would come to me, when life would throw them for a loop. And I not only knew the questions.. I knew the answers or where to get the answers… Or just that I had lived the questions so told them the options they had…   Most of the time.. I would just tell them what to look for… rarely ever giving advice.  Because advice is usually only good for the person who already lived it..  So if you show them options, they can make the choice that works for them.

But of late… and memory… I don’t have the answers hardly ever anymore… and don’t have many of the options… as life in 2019 has changed sooooooooooooooooo much.. that the options either aren’t there, or don’t apply anymore..

So part of me.. is sad.. I know it is time to hand the reins to others.. but when you find out, you aren’t the person you had built your life to be… it is sad realization..