How do you get thru the adult children stage…

How do you get thru the adult children stage… 

 

If you are looking for a quick answer, you need to move on.. If you are thinking you will be in control..  move on…

The first 18 years of your children’s life, you are pretty well in charge…  They live in your house, you pay for their food and etc… so that keeps you in the loop of being in charge.

This first 18 years stage is when you build their foundation. You show them by example and by words.. what is good and what is bad.. what the consequences are for each of them.  With the Grace of God, it will be a solid foundation. To withstand life and all of its bumps and bruises of the road.

Now we are heading into the 20 year olds… and older.  The 18 to 20 year old is where  YOU learn patience,  You are not incharge, but you might have a web there..  During those years.. you DON’T TELL THEM WHAT TO DO.. But you can say….. are you sure this is what you want to do, because you know this can happen… Are you sure this is the right choice for you? Takes lots of practice to not say more.. This is training for after 20.

Starting at 19 and half, is where you start learning to keep you MOUTH SHUT… This is a very difficult stage… By the age of 20 .. you hopefully have a handle on it.

Now before you give me..BUT BUT BUT…. WHAT IF… let me take you back to your 20’s… Did your parents tell you how to live your life, where they involved in your decisions?  Did you like that?  Is that the feeling you want for your child or children?   Every time I start to think of open my mouth, I think back to my mother and how would I feel if she decided to tell me , what I am about to say to my child.  99% of the time, if you are smart.. you will shut your mouth… and watch.

When they are 20, it a good time to sit them down and tell them..  that this is going to be quite a transition for you  both. Child and parents.  That you will not be telling them what to do anymore… (no crossing the fingers behind you)  That it will be hard for you, but you know they have to make decision on their own for themselves.  And if I ever say to do this or do that..  just put your hand up and say….. I’ve got this .. Dad.. (Mom) .    Tell them if THEY think they need some input from you… that you would be glad to listen… but you still won’t be telling them what to do.. You will be glad to give them options.. and what the consequences are for those choices.. but the bottom line .. you are letting THEM chose which options..   And you will ONLY give those options when THEY ASKED FOR IT… And this will not be easy for your mom and I.. (presuming it is Dad talking) and we might slip from time to time.   It isn’t we don’t care.. It is because we are going to trust you to make the best decision for YOU….

 And that is how it will be for the rest of your life.. You will gag on your words and maybe even have to put your hand up on your mouth, to keep from giving unsolicited advice. Some times gritting your teeth together so you don’t say anything.. 

But I will tell you from experience with all my kids.. When I let them decide their own lives.. THEY DID GREAT!!   it was a BLOODY MIRACLE.. lol..  Yes, they stumbled, but got right up again. And got it right…  Some times not the choice I would have chose, but it worked for them.. And that is where it is important. Worked for them…

Then if you are really lucky.. like I have been a couple of times.. you will either get it in writing.. or by word, of what a great parent you were..  And they will list some of the things that you taught them over the years…  my thoughts came to mind of.. OH MY GOD, HE/SHE WAS ACTUALLY LISTENING all those years ago..  ..Oh, my God, they got it…  and it will be your reward .. and it will bring tears… because there will be times… you will doubt yourself.. and your kid.. 

Don’t forget as you watch them stumble thru adult life, just as you did..  never use … I SHOULD HAVE, I WOULD HAVE.. I COULD HAVE.. all worthless words..  You use to yourself..  I did the best I could do, with the information I had, at the time I was dealing with it.  

Oh, there might be times between 20 and 25 .. late bloomers 27.. that you think to yourself, you love this child.. but you wouldn’t give a plug nickel for him or her… lol  But some where around 25 this child will shine.. AND you become the most smart person in their lives..   Yes.. it will happen. 

In the really hard times…  you know you can’t do or say anything.. but you can do what I do…   I give that person to God..  I pled with God, that this is a wonderful child who is lost.. please God, have him/her find her way… I tell you God… as I give you…  (child’s name)… I promise I will not help you..   AND it has worked every time.. God is amazing.

Oh, the best revenge you will have on your child?  It is called GRANDCHILDREN… lol..  They are God’s blessing for you… and it will be a great source of humor as you watch YOUR child, manage thru parenthood.