Hugs are not just for sex

Hugs are not just for sex

 

I was born and raised on the East Coast. Raised up among Italians, Portuguese, French, and Irish… And also good old Yankee Englishmen.  Yankee men were staunch people.. meaning not really expressive. They rarely hugged anyone. Not their wives or children in public.. not so sure at home either.  If they greeted another man, it was the hand shake. A medium to strong one. And if it was a deal in the making.. and very strong one.. Meaning this deal is solid. 

 

Now the others.. were very expressive. Italians and Portuguese were expressive, some times loud in their greeting of each other. Be it men or women. Irish and  French were fairly expressive.

 

Men have body language hug. There was the come on, let’s talk. As the men would walk off, one man would put his arm around the other and cup his hand over the other man’s shoulder. With his head leaned in. This was a “you have my full attention” style. Or it could be.. “I want your full attention”  And if it was the mafia guy, it was a tighten of the hand on the shoulder, meaning.. listen here guy, I am telling you now… and heed what I mean, style.

 

 

When a man greeted another man there were several ways. There is, at large gatherings, a come from behind, putting both hands on the other shoulders and squeezing. Some times it was a surprise, I am here type. Others were, I am sorry, I am late, but I am here now.  Some where a hand shake that turns into a hug. Most of the time followed by laughter.  With women, it was a hug around the waist. Maybe a kiss on the cheek type greeting. Women greeted each other with hugs. And if really happy to see each other, it would turn into a short dance as they hugged.  All of which were hugged when they left each other. It was just the way it was. Children were greeted with hug, and maybe a swing up in the air greeting. It just was the way it was. No one took offense.  If there was no hugs, then you knew one was not happy with the other.

 

In my own family, we were more like the English. My mother was half English and half German. Another nationality that was not expressive and stand offish.  My father was a little more at ease. He did hug women in greeting.  But my parents and brother and myself, was more reserve. I don’t believe I ever heard my parents tell each other that they love each other. They rarely hugged. It just was the way it was in our household. No kiss on the cheek, hello or good by..

 

So how did I become a hugger. That tribute would be to my Aunt Harriet. My Aunt Harriet… my other mother…. Who loved everyone. Hugged everyone.. She had unconditional love for her family and friends. She called us all Sweetie at one time or another. Everyone got hugs and especially kids.  

 

 

Men use to call women, Babe, Honey, Sweetheart and these were terms of endearment.  Women, have use some of these and they have used them with women. I had a boss when I was 18, and she  would say, take this paper down to Mr. so and so, honey.  Dearie will you go down and make a copy of this for me.  If she didn’t uses those words, you knew you were on her list, and it wasn’t good.

 

Men have had there arms around women waist, around children waist or on their shoulders, all in the I am protecting you style. I am here..  Some times even hands on the shoulders with a massage like motion.   All of this… was not sexual. It was terms or expressions of loving caring people.

 

Now jump to the 2000, and all of it has become a social no no. Don’t touch society. Watch how you talk, what words you use, and for the love of God, don’t touch unless it is your spouse. Or sister, or your brother. Of course the last bunch has all kinds of acceptable names, and some not so much.

 

So now when we hear some one use the words Babe, or Honey or Dearie, we cringe.  We see someone touch another personally, we cringe. Be it gay couples, or an older man… we cringe. We assume it is sexual.

 

My husband has a hard time with the word Babe. He has used this word for over 50 years. I have talked to him for about 4 years about, how he should not say that word.  That some women take offense to it.  He has gotten better about it,  I am afraid he would get in trouble about it.  He almost did one time. A woman he worked with, was crying.. she was very upset. He gave her a hug and told her, she would be ok.. She turn him in for a sexual harassment.  He was blown away and hurt. He meant to console her. He felt bad for her, as she was so upset.  Sexual had NOTHING to do with it.   See he too is a hugger. Has been all the 68 years of his life.

 

I, am a hugger as well, Like I said, I learn from the best.  But I find myself double checking myself.   If I meet someone and we talk for a while and get along greatly, enjoy each others conversation.. as I go to leave, I apologize and say.. I am a hugger, hope you don’t mind.. 90% of them, say me too.. And I wish her well and tell her I enjoy our time together…  If I am talking to a woman, and she is upset, and tells me how her life is upset down… and when we get ready to leave each other… I will say… Do you mind if I give you a hug? And if she starts to cry, I hold a little longer. 

 

Why do I have to apologize? Why do I have to ask.. why it isn’t it ok, to hug someone now.  Why is it when man is working with someone, and that is a woman… he mention how nice she looks.. he doesn’t say she looks sexy.. just remarks about how nice she looks.. he is brought up on sexual charges. Yet a woman can say to a man.. wow you look great today.. and that is ok?

Why does a man put his hands on a woman friend’s shoulder, and it becomes sexual…

 

All hugs are not sexual.. all touching of endearment  ARE NOT sexual.