Death affects us differently. And a lot of it depends on
how that person died.
Those who suffer greatly, like with cancer.. or such...
we get to the point where we can't take our love ones
painful ordeal, that we welcome death for them. Even
though it tears our heart out that they are gone. Yet we
get to say good bye to them and have closure.
Then there are the sudden ones... the car accident or the
out of nowhere heart attack or such. It is a rip of an
emotional band aid off of your mind. No good byes.
There are reasons, sometimes, that you can adjust to
and understand... even though it still tears your heart
And then there is suicide. This time, a rip of your
heart out. Your mind going through it over and over.
The "If only"... the bottomless pit ... the useless pit, of
if only I had said...if only had done this, or if only I
could have been there.... the if only... is a deep,
Then comes the next phase of it.... the handling of
the affairs. Finding out the information you need
to take care of their affairs.. as there is no warning,
there is no list to follow, there is no will, there is
no nothing... So you blindly, thru tears and anger,
go thru papers, try to find all the papers. Going
down the funeral home and face reality of cost,
which you didn't save for.. but find the money
anyway. Then going thru the rest of the person's
personal things...and decide how to get rid of them.
And you play the hurry up and wait came of the
legal system. And you wonder, if life will ever
return to what you thought was normal again.
Depression.. we hear a lot about it in the news media.
Robin Williams and such. You feel bad for the family.
The articles on depression, you read everyone if you
have a family member who suffers from it. Trying
to understand it. So you will know how to help.
Some times you can... some times it take others...
and some times the black hole of depression grabs
our love ones, and you lose the battle. You both do.
Once again.. this death .. has no good byes.. if there
is.. it is one sided.
We need better laws to address depression... we need
better approaches... we need help... Hopefully the program
and building in the town south of us.. will have some
of those for the others.
Good bye, our smiley pixie girl.