THE LINE ..and when do you stop kicking it and cross over?

There are many crossing of the line. . There is the one as a child, that you cross over
on a dare.
God draws lines, in our lives. Some of which we kick forward. Because we aren't
ready to cross over. Some in denial that the line is there.
That is the line of today's subject.
This the life of Mom and Son. That will be their names in this.
Mom is going to be 70 next month. Son is 40 or maybe 42.
Son is mentality challenged. Son has been in a home situation for about 20
years, I am guessing. There was a divorce, many years ago. and Mom and Dad
would alternate getting Son for the weekends over the years. Son has always
been a tender hearted caring person. And I would be guessing that Son's
mentality is in the 13/14ish stage. For years this life worked for all three.
But about 6 years ago Son came down with a virus that took a large toll on him.
He was hospitalized for months. He was in a coma like situation for almost all
those months. This was virus that went around the United States. Very few
survived. One of which was my ex-boss. They try to put a name to the virus, but
as far as I know there still isn't one. It is similar the to one down South
that some Indians Reservations had. But not that one. It hits the upper
respiratory area. Son was lucky enough to live in a city that has an excellent
hospital that is also a teaching hospital. The down side for Son was it left
him with a breathing problem. He had to be on oxygen for 24 hours for several
years. Now he can be with out it a good share of day time. But has it at night.
After the hospital, Son lived with Mom until he got stronger. Then he went back
to the home he was in before. And started on a slow climb back to the life he
had before. But Son had some problems and ended up having the family remove him
from the home. The long and short of this, is he is now in a institution that
he can leave from time to time. Usually on weekends. It is a behavior unit. As Son
was having some anger management problems. It was thought by family and
caretakers (Dr.and caseworker) that this would be best for Son. Thru the
therapy he could work on the anger. There was an episode that Son became very
angry at Mom and had hit her.
At the new facility Son seem to be doing well. They were working on the anger.
He had a couple of chest pain scares and was in and out of the hospital a
couple of times. Just days at a time. Mom was bringing things that Son likes.
And takes him home for the weekends when he was allowed. As Son did not earn
the right to visit on one occasion.
You have to understand that Mom has been a great Mom. She has taken Son to
dinners at restaurants. She has taken him to the lake shore cabins for holidays
and summer outings. She always has made sure Son has had everything he needs.
She has put his needs ahead of hers for many years. Even to the point of going
against her other children's wishes from time to time. Her daughter is very
supportive of Son. Even though she lives over 1,000 miles away. She calls and
visits. Son is loved by his brothers (there are 3) and always happy to see him.
But they live busy lives so they don't visit very often. Dad loves his son but
he has been busy with his life as well, with his new wife and business.
So where does the line come in this life?
There was another episode with Son. While he did not hit his mother, there was
a verbal confrontation, which scared Mom so very much that she ended up calling
the police. It had to do with Son being upset with Mom because he wanted to
call 911 and she asked him not to. She wanted to see if she could take care of
the health problem he was talking about and if not then she would drive him to
the hospital herself. He became very angry and yelled cuss words at her. Words
that she never had heard out of his mouth before. The police officer who came
over, had been there the 2 years before when Son had gotten out of control. Son
likes him and the visit went well. But when the police officer left... Son anger
started up again and this time called 911 when Mom's back was turned. She let
it go thru this time. And the paramedic's took him in. Mom's oldest son, was in
the neighborhood and saw the lights. Came and asked what happen. When
explained, he looked at Mom and said. "Maybe from now on, you should not
take Son out and just visit him at the facility." Then the ambulance left
and she followed over to see if Son was going to be ok. When they got him
settled, she went home. But the words of her oldest son cut thru her heart. How
could she leave Son?
And there is the line.... when do you stop kicking the line forward..... and
when do you cross it? I tried to reassure her that visiting is not abandonment.
She could visit as often as he would like. Take special treats. And if the day
is not a good day for Son, then she can go home. It is real easy to see the
situation from 3000 miles away. I support her in any position she takes, as it
is her position. But she asked. How do you tell another person where their line
is and should you tell them to stop kicking the line and step over?


Monday,
March 14, 2005