Sitting on the stone wall with Mom….

Sitting on the stone wall with Mom….

On facebook there is a thing that pops up every so often.

It is called.. who would you like to sit with for an hour, that is in heaven.   

My first thought was my Aunt Harriet.  Because she was my go to person for life..  Seems my life followed a lot of hers.

We are the only females of our family that moved to the West Coast.  I look a lot like her.. Which means I follow the family line on my father’s side.   Also as I aged and would talk to her, she would give me advice. Advice of how things came into her life like that.. and how she handled them. Giving good advice of what to stay away from..  and what to embrace.    She also was good advice on health.. the maladies of life.. women’s lives..  She would tell me.. Oh, yea, I remember that… don't sweat it .. it will all turn out good.   I sure miss those talks. It has been over 12 years.

So I thought she would be the one of choice, to find out how did she get thru her 70’s and 80's. When I see the question, she comes to mind first… Sure miss her..

But the other day, I thought.. you know.. maybe the one I would like to sit with… would be my mother...  Never thought of her before, as we always locked heads…  My mother was an only child of a only child… so she did know how to handle two kids. And she knew how to always get her way. She ruled the house… no matter how many years we were gone from home.. My brother got more than I did.. as he lived near by.. So he knew her whims..   Being I lived on the West Coast, I wasn’t in the every day stuff..   I did venture back for 4 years.. and surprisingly things went pretty well.  It was after I came back out West that things got touchy.    Especially after my husband died.  She thought I should have moved back to the East coast..  But I had a 16 year old daughter.. in school yet.. It was bad enough she lost her Dad… wasn’t going to move her away from her friends.. So I stayed. Told Mom that I would think it over after my daughter graduated.

She wasn’t happy with that.  Also I started a job.. I hadn't had a job for about  20 years.. so that too meant I was staying..  We also had bought a place before my husband died.. so I had bills to take care of..  So the two years were kind of tender…. her wanting me back East and me staying to take care of business.   Long and short of it was, she got mad, wouldn't talk to me for 4 years… then she broke her leg, was put in the hospital.. and was going into a nursing home.   I went back there while she was in the hospital.. I only had the weekend..   so spend all of one day with her, while Dad and my brother went places.. We had a great time.. She cried when she saw me… telling me what a fool she was ... for the past 4 years.. I told her that it was ok. this now...  We talked all day about a lot of things… And then my brother, wife, and son with girlfriend... with my Dad came in.. I backed off to let everyone be around her.. after all I had her all day to myself…   About 4 minutes into this.. my mother looked at me and said some things.. angry…to me.. I am not going to go thru that here..  the main thing is.. things went back down hill from there… I left and went to the waiting room and told Dad to take as long as he needed.   About an hour later, we left.. We went back the next morning as I was flying back home at 3pm.   She was in a great mood.. Nothing about the day before.. and then she asked me.. if she was going to die…  I told her that was up to the guy upstairs… no one knows the answser..  I bide her good bye.. and went home..  She passed away about 6 months later. She went to the nursing home but raised so much hell, that Dad took her home.. (so typical her.. lol) I believe God kept her alive those 6 months.. so she could train Dad to take care of himself.. She told him how to run the washing machine.. how to cook for himself.. to cook his favorites.. and how to grocery shop.. Then in February she left.

So why would I want to talk to her.. as we pretty much said everything?   Well, some of it was how she left things before she got sick and then as she was before she left… 

So sitting on the stonewall… next to her..  I would give her a hug… (she was who she was.. but bottom line she was my mother) .... if she wanted to ask what did I want to talk about.. I would ask her…   So you directed what you wanted in life, before and after you left earth….. how did that work out for you?  Did it all work out the way you wanted?  Or would you had changed anything in hind sight?  After many years.. I figured it was ok.  Just made me stronger. How do you feel?

See when it comes to my mother.. I have no regrets.. It was .. what it was… and I dealt with it..  I am strong because of my mother. Dealing with her, strengths one…  If I could get thru that.. I could get thru life...... and I have... But just curious…. "so Mom, how did all that work out for you”? Oh, one more thing..  you remember you said you were an athiest? But your cats, dogs and horses went to heaven??? So which is it..  did you find out there is a God after all and heaven for humans?  And isn’t the song that you loved..  HOW GREAT THOU ART? True?