I am mad….

I am mad because this year did not turn out like I thought. 

I know.. it didn’t turn out like a lot of people thought.

Especially the graduates …be it high school or college.

They worked so hard for 4 years… to get to the goal at the end..

To show their parents and the world that they did have it in them to make it thru the whole thing and did well doing it…Only to have it snatched out from under them.  To no fault of their own.

I am mad, and I thought I was handling it well considering all… But as

I was on my knees this past Saturday… digging out a root with water and mud… I was thinking..  Here it is going to be Mother’s day tomorrow. And it will be practically. Nothing..    That was my thought.. but my daughter and I did go to the beach and had coffee and talked.. staying the 4 feet away... but no lunch with family...… Just another day..  a few calls.. THANK GOD, THEY CAN’T TAKE THAT AWAY… And I did get to do a visual messaging with one of the boys, and his family... but other families usually do a huge lunch with their mom's... ones in the nursing home have to celebrate thru the window with signs.. and phone calls..  so sad.. for all

So pard me, if you notice I am having a piety party.. Oops, no party.. against the rules…  So a… alone piety party..  I get it.. as I stated above.. the senior GOT ROBBED… I get it, that some rather see little business go down the tubes than lose a relative or friend..  I think we still could have them and the business…  After all in ALL OF MY YEARS… we NEVER EVER SHUT DOWN THE WORLD.. for a disease.   NEVER.. for anything for that matter, they didn’t shut down the world for the wars…  not for Aides, not for the Asian flu.. not for polio… 

But I had plans..  a combo birthday party with all those who turn the age ending with a 0… my oldest would have been 60… and for some reason God decided to take her to heaven….  My youngest did turn 50 as I DID turn 80…and my grandson WILL turning  30…   but we were suppose to celebrate together..  Then there is Easter… we did get to eat together and watch the great grand boy search for eggs..  probably would have been shamed over the fact we did get together…   Now Mother’s day.. and next up is 4^th of July…  which is my favorite holiday…. Will Thanksgiving be next?

I am mad.. but don’t know who to be mad at… I am not mad at China, I am not mad, if it is true some poor soul screwed up and passed the lab work out. I am not mad at God, although it sure would have helped if he told me/us what we are suppose to be learning from all of this..  Or see later how this was a good thing…  There is no blame.. it is what it is… And it makes me sad…

But you see…. If I was 40 say, …  it wouldn’t be so bad.. it will still be annoying.. hurting.. but not so bad..   BUT I am 80!!... I don’t know if I get next year … that is the part that bothers me the most, I guess.. that is the part that gives me the piety party deal…  

So if this disturbs you..  upsets you…  I am kind of sorry, you feel that way… but when you have a 90% chance of not doing a do over.. you feel down in the dumps.. 
Ok, piety party over....