Duncan case

?????????????
How could I?
What am I thinking?
Even WTFH could be
used.
These are all titles I thought
of for this post. All apply.

You got to understand how I feel
about programs on television about
child abuse. I can not stand to watch
them. Just can't do it. I don't know if
it is because I was on the receiving end
at one time, in my life or what. But they make
me nauseas, and my nerves are at ends.
Almost to the point of getting sick to
my stomach and vomiting.

So how can I read about the Duncan
case? For those who are not around
here in Idaho, it is a case that has
gone to county court and now is in Federal
court. The county court ended with Duncan
being guilty for killing a woman, her
boyfriend and her teen son. The taking
of her younger son and daughter. The
killing of that younger son. The daughter
was rescued.
This case is over 2 years old. Why it is in
Federal court is because he took the two
youngest ones to Montana before he killed
the boy there. Duncan has confessed to
his crimes and now they are all in court,
for the sentencing part. With a jury. A
jury you have to feel bad for, as they get
to see the videos of these children that
Duncan took. One of which has sexual
abuse of the boy, before he was killed.
Is your stomach starting to wretch yet?

As sickening and horrible as this is. As
much as I could not even look at Duncan's
picture last year when the county was in
court. Why in God's name am I drawn to
reading about it now?

I had decided when the local blog that is
carrying the hour by hour or less updates
on it, that I would not read it. And I didn't
the first couple days of it. The headlines
were enough. You had to click on the "here"
to read the rest of the story. And I didn't.
But on Thursday, I did. While it was revolting,
I was drawn to it like a moth to a flame. I found
myself going back several times to read updates.

Feeling a numbness as I read it. Like reading
a novel of court procedure. And I admittedly
do like to read court procedures. Perry Mason
was a favorite of mine as a child. But this... how
could I?

I want to see this man get the death penalty. Even
a mad dog deserves to be put to sleep. So where is
the good Christian that I think I am? Where is the
forgiveness? I can't find it in myself. And reading
about letters to his mother, I think how I didn't even
think about his family. How they feel. They aren't the
guilty ones.

And you know, I think even Duncan wants to be
put to sleep too. Why else would he be his own
lawyer? Maybe killing Dylan and burning his body
was over the top even for him. Maybe that is why
he went where he knew he would be recognized
with SG, the girl. Maybe he has done two decent
things in his life. Let the girl go home, and confessing
to being guilty. Maybe he wants to be release of this
demon inside of himself, by death.

Now let's hope the goody two shoes people don't
march on the prison and protest the death penalty of which
he wants. And drag it on beyond what anyone can stand.