Marianne of Slight Detour challenged her readers to complete the following with their own stories. Being I didn't want to clog up her comment area, I chose to answer here.
Best Never Told Smoking Stories Two for one. The first one, was my neighbor pal and I smoking straw for starters. We didn't want to go straight into smoking cigarette, so thought we try straws. Not good. Got sick, her father found us behind his garage, and I think he said something to the fact of burning down the garage with our matches, it was hard to understand him, when you are sick as a dog.
Second one, was when my father found out I smoked. Well, I think puffing on them, would be a more accurate description. So he decide I should smoke in front of him. I had bought a pak of Pall Mall ..reds. For those who are young, that is a straight cigarette with no filters.
I bought that brand as my mother smoked them and figured if I got caught I could past it off as my mothers. Which goes to show I was not a smart child, as when I got caught, I was accused of stealing her cigarettes. And of course we all know that children lie, so no amount of protesting on my part was going to change their minds.
First Dad, started out with one cigarette. Then when he caught on that I didn't inhale, he told me I had to inhale if I was going to smoke. It was a waste, not to inhale. So he showed me how to do it correctly. You inhale, long and kind of kept it in the lungs for a little bit, and then you let it out slowly. (Oh, come on now, in those days, everyone inhale and blew it out slowly, and made circles and etc.. this was not child cruelty......yet).
I say yet, because, I was almost done with my cigarette and kind of holding my own.. just a little heady... then my father dropped the next foot. He lit up another cigarette, and handed it to me. I told him no, thanks, one was good enough for me. Oh, no, a real smoker has a few. As I was getting thru the second one, I was trying to find an escape route. As I was drawing out the last one of the inhales.......Dad lit another, I begged off, saying I was fine. 2 was just my limit.. I know I had to be glowing green by this time. He told, me no, a true smoker ...smokes one right after another... all day.. and handed me #3, after about two inhales, I really couldn't tell you what he was saying, as I was heading for the escape route outside, and throwing up on the lawn. I decided smoking wasn't for me. Sadly, I figure out that cigarettes calmed the nerves and started at the age of 31. And finally gave them up for good at the age of 48. It was a financial thing. It was either a monthly product for women or cigarettes. After thinking about how I could use the filter after I finished the cigarette, that I decided I had gone over the edge and quit for a month. Then the next month and the next and etc. Even thought they cost me 88 cents for my last pack. And they cost 3 times that now or more, and I know they are not good for me at all... I still crave one .. once in a while.. especially if I have had a few drinks. Hard to explain.. it was kind of a private, quiet time for me.
Best Never Told Food Stories When I was a teen, I was left in charge of my kid brother (who was 4 years my junior) on Friday nights. I guess it was kind of a date night for them. They went out to dinner. It was my job to make sure I fed my brother dinner and kept him out of trouble. The funniest one was when I made him hamburgers. As I was cooking the meat, I had laid out the bun, put mustard, mayonnaise and ketchup on the buns, then closed them while I finished cooking the meat. As I swung over the first pattie to put the meat into the bun, .....two of the buns were gone. I put the meat in the bun. And asked my brother, what happen to the buns. He laughed at me and said I already ate mine, so I finished first. ha ha Thinking this was funny. So I had decided to wait about 2 hours before I told him, he ate his without the meat. lol... I don't think I should go into the time I told him that Exlax was chocolate candy.
Best Never Told Report Card Stories Report card time wasn't bad until I was in the higher grades. And by that time, I had my kid brother. His always seem to be worse than mine, so I had him go in first with his... and then I would show up half hour later with mine. That way, mine didn't seem so bad.
Best Never Told Lying Stories---now tell the truth I never was good at lying. Not to say I never ever did. I am sure I must have slipped a few white lies in there. But the main reason I decided to give up lying, was memory. Even as a kid, I wasn't really good at memory. And if you tell a lie, you have to remember exactly how the story goes. And because I couldn't get that straight...and got whipped for it, I decided the true was the best way to go. I could always remember the truth. And facing the music, I found was easier. You got your punishment and it was over. Instead of waiting weeks for the parent to figure out the lie, and knowing any day it would happen. Fear is worse than punishment.
Ok, I have met the challenge of Marianne's... anyone else want to take up the challenge? I will check out your blog to see how you answered.
Why is it, the mere mention of the IRS, makes you sweat? I got a letter today from them, which scared me.. I thought, oh no, I am going to be audited. But I got my money already, don't they audit you before you get your money?
Any way, it was just telling me they had adjusted my refund (which I got two weeks ago) and it is slightly more. If I wanted to contest it, I could call the numbers given. Yea, right, who is going to call the IRS and say.. ...... "Well, no, you sent me too much money, so I am protesting this". Yea, right.
Then yesterday, I went down to get my drivers license renewed. What is it about going there that makes you sweat. At least that room seem awful hot to me. I was dreading the eye test. I had my glasses upgraded last Nov. But still, it is looking in there and seeing which block is closer and which one is further away, and etc. I am dreading it. So I let the young couple who was finishing their test, go in front of me, so they could finish the paper work. Anything to keep away from that eye machine.
Then it is my time, I give the old license, (wondering what will I use if I fail the eye test) and the little paper that they have you fill out. Make sure all the data is correct. And then she says, step over here. So I head to the eye machine. She said, no over here, to get your picture taken. I am thinking what is the sense of taking my picture, (she already has my money for 4 years), if I don't pass the eye test.
After I get the picture taken, (had to have 2, as my face was froze with fear in the first one with a slight smirk), so I smiled and she said good. Fill out this donor (as I had said yes) paper out, and the picture will be here soon. I filled out the paper, telling them to take all parts (not going to do me any good when they cremate me) ... then the other gal called my name. I gave the papers, and she said there you are... you are good for 4 more years! I said that is it? She said, yep.
I sweated all this for nothing? No eye machine. No, I didn't say that aloud as I was walking out of the courthouse, looking at my new driver's license. Great, I won't have to go thru this for 4 more years....Idaho trust me for 4 more years. Good.
Then it dawn on me... will I be driving in 4 more years? I will be 71 by that time.
I am really having trouble getting a handle on this global warming. There is so much information out there, but I am still having trouble believing it.
I guess because I have lived long enough to go thru so many different weather changes. I can remember back in the 60's or 70's that they said we were going to freeze to death. That everything was getting colder. That the Ice Age was returning.
I was so busy raising kids, I couldn't get excited about it. Besides their prediction was for something like 5 million years from then.
After that, I read a book called "Looking out for #1". There were many chapter of how not to believe everything you hear. That when you hear THEY and THE COMMITTEE in any reference, to start putting on your doubt signals. As there is really never a clear deal of who THEY ...THE COMMITTEE or even THE SCIENTIST are. For every bit of information of the pro, there is just as much for the con. Con in many ways.
I know Al Gore is running around with his movie, which I have not seen. Don't plan on seeing it. Movie.. Al Gore.. doesn't instill great trust in me. After all, he is the one who claimed he found the computer and online. Maybe he was a Bill Gates school mate and saw him drawing up the plans?
So I am sorry if I don't jump on the wagon. Especially because one of the things that most do agree on, it is going to happen in about 5 to 15 million years from now. So those of you who are still around, at that time.... yes, you can say to my ashes... see I told you so...
The King was getting a little stir crazy, so I put in for a visit from his brother and sister in law, on the side. They live over by Tri-cities.
Friday afternoon, they walked in and it was all smiles. We had a wonderful visit. We took them on a ride from Kootenai to Bonner's Ferry, to Troy,Montana to Thompson Falls and then to Clark Forks and home.
I had to drive the car, which I am not fond of. The car hates me. It refuses to start for me. It won't even let the key turn. So the King had to start it from the passenger side. He was the tourist guide, so he was suppose to find.... a store that had fish in Troy, live fish, and stuffed animals and had a peeing bear out front when you went by. Then we were going to stop on the Bull Run road to see the petrified trees... and then have b-b-que in Clark Fork. We found none of them. Lol. We told him he was fired as a tourist guide. So we had great lunch at the Sub sandwich/coffee shop in Kootenai.
We had the greatest of time traveling thru the states and back. It was the simplest of times. Which makes me think of 2 other times we had a great time together.
We went to Canada for lunch. At a A&W restaurant. On 4th of July. The waitress thought we were odd as the Canadians go to the USA to watch fireworks, and we were there. We also found a yard sale to go to. It was a very enjoyable time.
The other time was in Seaside. We walked thru little shops, we walked the beach, had lunch and dinner, and watched the sunset and then rise the next morning. It was just a simple time and most enjoyable.
As we all know the Baby Boomers are alive and well. They are calling themselves, the 60's that is the new 30's. And I have to admit, they are a lively bunch.
We, who are just a little too old to be baby boomers (pre-war babies), watch as they run up and down the street. Seeming to have more ambition that those of their age did have a generation ago. They seem to be scared to get old.
We, who are a little older, have embraced it. We claim our 10% senior discount with pride. Enjoy retirement. Enjoy life.
But you know, it isn't too bad being in the half generation before the Baby Boomers. With all their fear of growing older they are working on different things that is making it easier on us. They are making sure all the things are assessable to us. Better health care, more in home health than before. So one can be independent longer. Communications, and so many things that have come down to us all in the past 20 years. All due to the Baby Boomers.
We, here in Bonner County, cry about losing our old town. The feeling of the old hometown, the losing of familiar buildings. The building of monster size buildings and parking lots.
I am in the front line of those who cry the blues over this, or just get down right upset over such things.
Yet on Tuesday, I was running around looking for a cane for the King. Went to some of the second hand stores. (we lost another one recently, besides the Senior Citizen one) and only one to be found, that was a claw bottom...needed a straight bottom. So after none to be had... I decided to go to a store and see what a new one would cost.
I went into the store and my first flow of feeling was, why don't I come here more often. Convenience I suppose, as I live 3 miles away. But the feeling I had as I walked thru the door... was old hometown Sandpoint. The friendliness of the employee's. The different things I saw as I walked to the back of the store. Things I don't find in the big stores. And things of quality. Well, made things. Not the thin plastic stuff. I use to shop at this store quite a bit before. So why don't I now, why don't I think of it first?
I walked back to the home health section and there was quite a selection of canes. Some really nice fancy ones. But this was going to be a short term cane, so got practical instead of pretty. And the price was very reasonable. About the same price as the one I saw at the second hand store.
I took my purchase to the head of the store and as I was paying, I remarked to the clerk, about my feelings as I came in to the store. She reminded me they were only 4 minutes pass the big box stores. I told her yes, and that I would be back.
So where was I, that made me feel so good about being in an old hometown Sandpoint place? That has a big size parking lot, that is easy to get in and out of. That the employee's are friendly?
SANDPOINT SUPER DRUGSTORE. that where.
So if you are tired of losing the old Sandpoint, you better start appreciating our old time stores we have left. Where the prices are reasonable, you just have go there. The local in-town people go there all the time, it is those of us who are 2 miles to 17 miles out, that forget the old hometown feeling.
I know I will be back. It just felt good to be there. p.s disclaimer... no, I do not know any one who is there or works there.
You know the old saying... if you don't use it, you lose it.
Ethical, principles, beliefs, moral, right, fair, decent, just, proper, honorable... all words to describe ethics.
We had a tragic situation that happen here in our town. I thought I might write about the ripple of the situation. And how the situation ended.
But I didn't have my heart in it. After all if I get upset with the media, getting up front and personal. Or reporting all the details of something, feeling that the public, I think doesn't not need to know everything. After all, which one of us, wants every detail of our lives reported by the media. Some of it is..well, just private.
If it doesn't mean the safety of the public, then how much do we need to know. The media has to walk that fine line. And not always on the side we like. Which can be taken either way.
Bloggers, on the other hand are only accountable to themselves. They don't have a company to answer to. But we do have to answer to ourselves. And of course, if it isn't true, then it is a lawsuit.
So I have chosen, to decide on the side of right, fair, decent, thing to do. Not write about the situation. Maybe someday, I will. But it will be about a situation and not THE situation. And how it effects so many people.
Now that is clear as mud. But when I do write about it... I will mention this post.
Please read this whole thing before you make a judgment call. You need all the facts before you say how you feel.
There is voting by mail in the state of Washington. And Idaho would like to follow suit.
I have not been great on the idea and recently I have had my fears grow even more.
When you go to vote, you sign your name that you are about to vote. They have your name on the list. Then they give you the ballot. You make your decision and then fold as told. And slide it into the big box. I feel comfortable with that. I know, they know it is really me, who is voting. Not some one who is in my household or picks up my mail. I feel comfortable because I take the ballot, and I put it in the box with all the rest. And there is no way after, that they can tell which ballot is mine.
Yesterday, I did not feel comfortable about a ballot. My husband had his knee operated on. So getting out is not easy. He put in for a absentee vote. Because we sent it in too close to the time, I had to run over to the school district office and get the ballot. I brought it home, my husband sat at the table and made his vote and put it in the ballot envelope. Then he had to sign a validation declaration, put it and the ballot into another envelope. And that was the end of the comfort zone.
Understand I am very guarded with voting. I think it is horrible when those who can, don't. Being from the East Coast, New England, where ballot stuffing was a norm...not legal..but norm, in the 1900 to who knows how long. Before electric voting I guess. There was a word for it, but can't think of it. Anyway, I am very guarded about it.
I have never asked anyone how they voted on something. I rarely will answer if someone ask me. It is between God and I. I feel the same way about my husband. I will sit there and tell him who is running, or what they are trying to pass. He makes the judgment himself. I never tell him how I feel about it, as I don't want to sway him one way or the other. He is to decide what he wants. Then I took his absentee ballot over to the school district office to have it turn in. I was told if we mailed it...it would be too late to be counted. Mail can't get there on Tuesday if mailed on Sat. Oh, yea, we are talking about the US POSTAL service.
Anyway, I went there, Monday afternoon, there was a young lady who is the receptionist. Who put her hand out for the envelope, when I told her I was turning in his absentee ballot. She said ok. And put her hand out again to take it. I asked her, isn't there a box to put it in. No. She would give it to the person who is sworn to take care of the ballots. I was not comfortable about that. I told her so. Again, she goes thru the deal of it goes into this folder above her head, for the woman who takes care of the ballots. That is it. Another gentleman came in, and he gives her his absentee ballot. So I give it to her, but not happy about it.
To me, how did I know who was going to get the envelope? When they got the envelope, did they open it right there, after all they have to have the valuation slip. And then do they put the ballot in a box? How do I know she didn't open the ballot envelope right then. Then she would know who my husband is... and what his vote is. Making this worse is that my husband works for the school district.
I don't know how my husband voted on the levy. And maybe I am paranoid to think that this woman could open this envelope, see his name, open the ballot and see how he voted... and if my husband were to vote NO... how would that effect his job? There has been threats over the years. Subtle hints, of how one's job is a day to day job, no contracts, so you can be fired. Remarks made about ..you better vote, we will know if you did or not. Of course this was about 6 years ago. But it doesn't help, when you go to put in a absentee ballot. And there is no box.
Now this is where I had asked you to read the whole post...because when I went to vote, I ask the woman there and told her how I didn't feel comfortable about it. And this is what she said. "The absentee votes that went to the school district office, will be transferred to here, at the Kootenai school tonight at 8, to join the walk-in votes. At 8, we will open the first envelope and verify that the voter is registered. Then after we have verified all of them... we will take the ballot envelopes and open them with the walk-in ballots." "No one opens any of theenvelopes before they get here."
Well, it made me feel 50% better, but why don't they have a locked box at the school district office? And now my question for you.. Would you feel comfortable about it, if you were a school employee? Or even just the average Joe, doing an absentee ballot?
It is getting pretty bad when you find out that you have to watch the food for your pet that you buy from the store.
I can remember when we use to feed our dogs and cats scraps from our table. Now they frown on that. All I knew was we couldn't feed them chicken or turkey bones. We feed them all kinds of bones over the years. Pork,beef and etc. Just no fowl. Things sure have changed from then.
Well, here is the list incase you haven't see it. Seems like there is no company unturned. From the high price to the low priced. Glad we feed ours dry food. As these all pertain to wet food and snacks. So be careful out there.
The recalled brands are: Cat Food Americas Choice, Preferred Pets Authority Best Choice Companion Compliments Demoulas Market Basket Eukanuba Fine Feline Cat Food Lion Foodtown Giant Companion Hannaford Hill country Fare Hy-Vee Iams Key Food Laura Lynn Li’l Red Loving Meals Meijers Main Choice Nutriplan Nutro Max Gourmet Classics Nutro Natural Choice Paws Pet Pride Presidents Choice Price Chopper Priority Save-A-Lot Schnucks Science Diet (The recall affects only 3-ounce and 5.5-ounce cans of Kitten Savory Cuts Ocean Fish; 5.5-ounce cans of Feline Adult Savory Cuts Beef, Chicken and Ocean Fish, and 5.5-ounce cans of Feline Senior
Savory Cuts Chicken.) Sophisticat Special Kitty Canada Special Kitty U.S. Springfield Prize Sprout Total Pet, My True Friend Wegmans Western Family White Rose Winn Dixie Dog Food Americas Choice, Preferred Pets Authority Award Best Choice Big Bet Big Red Bloom Bruiser Cadillac Companion Demoulas Market Basket Eukanuba Food Lion Giant Companion Great Choice Hannaford Hill Country Fare Hy-Vee Iams Key Food Laura Lynn Loving Meals Meijers Main Choice Mighty Dog (The recall affects only 5.3 pouch products that were produced from Dec. 3, 2006 through March 14, 2007.) Mixables Nutriplan Nutro Max Nutro Natural Choice Nutro Ol’Roy Canada Ol’Roy U.S. Paws Pet Essentials Pet Pride - Good ’n Meaty Presidents Choice Price Chopper Priority Publix Roche Bros Save-A-Lot Schnucks Shep Dog Springfield Prize Sprout Stater Bros Total Pet, My True Friend Western Family White Rose Winn Dixie Your Pet
Avista. higher rates.... later newspaper shows higher wages for the ceo's. some times it shows about how they gave away millions to some politicial cause. If they are doing so well, why are we getting stiffed.
Gas prices jumping 6 cents to 10 cents.. raise of 38 cents in less than a month... and why..more demand??? how is that so, with so many buying hybrid cars? Change over of winter to summer refining oil plants. Why never before in history.
School levies... more money for less children.. More homes, higher price homes... but still more money... It would seem if our tax money being collected, is way more than what it was when the other levy ran, than why is it going up?
Headlines and sub headlines...in the Spokesman Review... Man gets 9 years for drugging girl... Seems he was drugging her....he is a registered sex offender.. BUT they dropped the sexual abuse charge, he was found guilt of drugging even though he had a really poor excuse for that. My question...why did they drop the sexual abuse charges. He wasn't drugging her, for the look on her face.
Woman sentenced for beating boy, 6 This was a foster mother....who beat the boy and he was sent to the hospital with head injuries. Another foster child said she beat him because...."he ate Mommy's chocolate bars."... she was given.. 40 days in sheriff's labor camp and 6 years in prison, BUT was suspended prison term, for 4 years of supervised probation. I guess you have to kill the child to go to prison.
Subtitle, which is worse than the headline. Records say dead girl had been disciplined with shock collar, beatings.... The natural father and step mother...said this was an unruly child. So they had to take these steps. At the age of 4, yes that is right,4 !!! she was put in a tub to wash urine clothing and towels that she had wet on. The step mother saw her with a wet t-shirt over her face. The step mother went to make a anniversary dinner instead of helping the child... the father saw bubbles coming up out of the water, where the child was laying in the urine water. They admit to having this 4 year old child washing urine clothing and towels from 10:30am to 9 p.m.!!!! The step mother admits to the authorities, that she pushed the child with her foot, causing the child to fall into the urine filled water. While the step mother gives cpr..the natural father steps out side to have a cigarette? Then he takes the girls to the hospital. There is more, but I can't write it anymore.
All of this is too much... Hillary Clinton said it takes a Village to raise a Child. It takes a Village to watch out for a child. A village of neighbors, police, child protective agency, and judges.
When are people going to do something about this? I have said it before and I will say it again.... CHILDREN. ARE. NOT. DISPOSABLE!!
I was going to punt and try to throw something out here for today. But to tell you the truth, I can't think of anything. I guess you could say, I have my mind else where.
The King is going in for knee surgery, so if you are reading this in the morning, I will be in the waiting room, reading a book to pass the time away. The rest of the time I will be checking him out and make sure he is ok, before I head to the house and let the dog out and then go back to the hospital.
So for the next couple days, my posting could be spotty. As Monday, the King comes home and I will be busy getting him settled in and taking care of him.
So if you see something here, I had the time, if not, I didn't.
When we went to town, we would see a friend or two in our journey. In the restuarants, and stores.
When we went to Yoke's, we would see a couple of friends or even more. Wal-mart the same if not more. We could hardly get thru the store for the friends we see, and stop and talk.
But the more we mix, in our walk thru life in our area, the less we know of the faces we see.
Did we change our time of shopping? Or our time of going thru town? Did we change our routine in some way?
No, I don't think so. But we don't see anyone we know anymore. We see the sea of faces come and go. The polite thank you, as we hold open the door. But all these faces are strange to us, as we smile and hope it gives the others a brighter day....
On Tuesday, there was a woman who entered the Public Safety Building with a package, I would guess, as I didn't see what form it was in when it entered the building. It was a actual pipe bomb. They have arrested her, as I am sure the camera had all kinds of pictures of her. I would hope anyway. But she is out of the public, arrested. My question when I read the breaking news item, was... how did she get into the building with it in the first place. I thought with the Homeland Security that they have metal detectors at every entrance.
I read in the paper, about how the U.S. Congress is trying to get the Japanese government to apologize for what they call women sex slaves. And what ever else they called the men who gathered up women for brothels during the time of WWII.
My question is...but WHY is our government getting involved with this. It is not something that happen in the United States. Don't get me wrong, I don't condone it. It is an age old despicable problem.
Worse than our pimps of New York, Chicago, L.A. and other cities. Who pry on the teen girls and even young men. Of which brings me to the fact we can't clean up our own pimps in the USA. Who do we think we are, to tell another country to apologize. Especially when if I understood it right, they apologized almost 10 years ago.
What part of none of our Congress's business, don't they understand. We are paying them well, to help make life better here. Let's have our Congress apologize to our troops for lousy health and benefits follow ups. Apologize to our troops for having them lose their homes and etc. because the Government, run by Congress, drags down the family with red tape. To the point that the family almost gives up. And some have considered committing suicide so to get help for their families. Yes, Congress apologize for your own transgression first. Then get to work on our roads, health benefits, fair wage and etc. Let the other country's govern their own and take care of their own business.
You know you have friends who have small children. And then you don't see the children for a couple of years and they are teens. You are amazed. Or if they move away and come back for a visit after a long time, you see these children who now have a baby. It really blows your mind, how time has flown by.
Well, I saw a picture in the paper the other day where someone was asking about the actor, Van Johnson. Where he is and what is he doing? This attracted my mind pretty quick, as my mother graduated from Rogers High School in Newport, R.I. in the class of 1936 with Van Johnson. His father was the local plumber, I believe.
What surprised me was Mr. Johnson's age. 90. Then I dawn on me, yes, in fact Mom would be 90 now, if she was still alive. And then the realization that Dad would have be 95.
So I guess while children in our minds, age freezes, so does our parents age freeze at the time of their death. As Mom was 74. And Dad was 82.
710 Postings...... 103 weeks of postings.... 2000+ visitors all equal to 2 years of blogging.
This picture is all over the internet. I have receive it over the past 3 or 4 years probably about 12 times. I love it.
This picture says it all to me... It's meaning is .... my friends and myself. It can just be us gals.... or it can be just us old broad's, looking good. That is what this blog is about. Just me sharing words of fun and some times serious subjects. Just for the fun of it. This is a picture of my friends and I, on and off the blog. With laughter in the air. Carefree.
Blogs come and go. And I am sure I will be one of those as well. I try to take enough breaks (weekends and holidays) so as not to get burnt out. I know I will be taking a break this summer. For the first time in our lives, we hope to have the time and the money ... at the same time, to do trips.
So unless I win the lottery and can afford a laptop, my posting may not be daily. So that is the future of this blog. To keep going until it isn't fun. . So .... From a Simple Mind... will continue as long as it is fun and be carefree
After all, as the saying goes.... "Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, Champagne in one hand - strawberries in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming WOO HOO - What a Ride!" .
I am still holding up the fight of this dang cold.... and this came across my email today. I thought it was pretty cute, so I thought I would send this test to you all who are young enough to have children, but don't have any yet. The rest of you can laugh as I did, because it is pretty close to the truth.
How To Know Whether or Not You Are Ready To Have Children
THE MESS TEST: Smear peanut butter on the sofa and curtains. Place a fish stick behind the couch and leave it there all summer.
THE TOY TEST Obtain a 55 gallon box of legos (or you may substitute roofing tacks). Have a friend spread them all over the house. Put on a blindfold. Try to walk to the bathroom or kitchen barefooted. Do not scream because this would wake a child at night.
THE GROCERY STORE TEST Borrow one or two small animals (goats are best) and take them with you as you shop. Always keep them in sight and pay for anything they eat or damage.
THE DRESSING TEST Obtain one large, unhappy, live octopus. Stuff into a small net bag making sure that all the arms stay inside.
THE FEEDING TEST Obtain a large plastic milk jug. Fill halfway with water. Suspend from the ceiling with a cord. Start the jug swinging. Try to insert spoonfuls of soggy cereal into the mouth of the jug, while pretending to be an airplane. Now dump the contents of the jug on the floor.
THE NIGHT TEST Prepare by obtaining a small cloth bag and fill it with 8-12 pounds of sand. Soak it thoroughly in water. At 3:00 pm begin to waltz and hum with the bag until 9:00 pm. Lay down your bag and set your alarm for 10:00 pm. Get up, pick up your bag, and sing every song you have ever heard. Make up about a dozen more and sing these too until 4:00 am. Set the alarm for 5:00 am. Get up and make breakfast. Keep this up for 5 years and look cheerful.
THE INGENUITY TEST Take an egg carton. Using a pair of scissors and pot of paint, turn it into an alligator. Now take a toilet paper tube and turn it into an attractive Christmas candle. Use only scotch tape and a piece of foil. Last, take a milk carton, a ping-pong ball, and an empty box of cocoa puffs. Make an exact replica of the Eiffel Tower.
THE AUTOMOBILE TEST Forget the BMW and buy a station wagon. Buy a chocolate ice cream cone and put it in the glove compartment. Leave it there. Get a dime. Stick it into the cassette player. Take a family size package of chocolate chip cookies. Mash them into the back seat. Run a garden rake along both sides of the car. There....perfect.
THE PHYSICAL TEST (Women) Obtain a large bean bag chair and attach it to the front of your clothes. Leave it there for 9 months. Now remove 1/2 of the beans. Leave it on for the rest of your life.
THE PHYSICAL TEST (Men) Go to the nearest drug store. Set your wallet on the counter. Ask the clerk to help himself. Now proceed to the nearest food store. Go to the head office and arrange for you payback to be directly deposited to the store. Purchase a newspaper. Go home and read it quietly for the last time.
THE FINAL ASSIGNMENT Find a couple who already have a small child. Lecture them on how they can improve their discipline, patience, tolerance, toilet training and child's table manners. Suggest many ways they can improve. Emphasize to them that they should never allow their children to run wild. Enjoy this experience. It will be the last time you will have all the answers.
Her Most Serene Highness Lady Cecelia "the Free of Much Madness upon Avon" that is what it says at the end of my blog... but the last week or so... I wonder.
snow, snow snow.....the robin that was here on Monday, must be snuggled in someone's tree.
Here we thought spring was coming. 50's weather, sunshine... I should have kept my mouth shut... I am really getting sick and tired of snow... But the dog is loving it. The King snow blows a path for her and she uses it for a race track.
It doesn't help that I feel like crap anyway. Here I thought I made it thru... no winter cold or flu... then wam... but I should have known. The grandson showed up last week with the whole dose, runny eyes and nose and coughing.