Validation/Broast

Life’s wonderments..

We are complicated people.. We
think we want one thing, yet it
seems we really want something
else. And then maybe not even that.

One night December 15, 2000, I
could not sleep so I was thinking
(which seems like a dangerous thing
for us humans) why is it when we go
the extra mile for someone or some
people and get very little thought from
others. Or if we do get some thought
and at the time it is enough, yet later
in life you look back and feel like you
didn’t or are not thought enough of.
Now that is a bunch of words...And it
sounds either like a person of an inferior
complex or even the other side of the
coin, concieted.

But I mean... have you ever gone the
extra mile and many times and don’t
feel like people look at you as a person
who did. And if a person came along
and either noticed or you told them..
And they asked you, ok; you did all these
wonderful unselfish thing (that in itself
can be argued, as you would not be
thinking all this if you were not being
selfish) WHAT IS IT WE COULD DO
FOR YOU. Do you want a party and
have everyone say what a great person
you are? Or a letter read to say the same,
or just what is it you think would make
you feel better. And as you contemplate
this question, you think...if I have to be
asked... then what is the point? If you
have to tell them, what is the point?

Yes, we are a different breed all right.
One part wants recognition and yet
when we are asked what kind of
recognization?
We say forget, if I have to tell you...
never mind.

Once I thought of listing the times
that I thought I had gone the extra
mile. And what was I going to do with
this list? Give it to my kids so they would
know I was a good and kind person?
Well, they would either already know
that, or think I was bragging. And this
is not about bragging. So what do you
do with the list? Have it read at your
funeral? She was a good old girl,
because she did all this things? What
good is that after you are dead? . To
kind of say, hey, did you realize I did
this? Did you know I care enough about
all of you at different times to make life
a little nicer? Little easier.

After thinking about this, I have over
the following years and still make it a
policy to tell some one thank you. Not
just thank you and walk off. But to tell
them thank you, I really do appreciate
what you did for us. When it was at work,
I would tell the person who gave up their
day, or came in early to help out our shift,
how much I appreciate them for doing
so. We had agency aides come to our
place. Some of the girls would be short
with them because they didn't know
where things were. Or didn't know the
resident well enough to do them by
themselves. Never thinking that if the
agency person didn't show up, they
would be working by themselves. So I
made sure each one of them knew how
much I appreciate them coming from
Spokane, some times on icy, snowy roads
to help us out. Yes, they did get paid
extra, but they didn't have to come at all,
such a distance.
So when some one goes a little extra,
be sure to let them know sincerely that
you really do appreciate their effort.


You see going to funerals is sad,
especially when they have people stand
up and say nice or funny things about
you. Memories they have of you... Why
do we have to wait until some one dies?

So in 2002, I decided to do something
about it. It was my Sweetie's 50th
birthday. So I had a broast.
I invited his work friends, his long time
friends, his family and each one of them
got a chance at the microphone as I
video taped it. They told funny stories,
lots of them.. and they also told how
they loved him. It was great... he felt
great... it was the best day of his life, he
said that night. So maybe that is the answer...
a broast, to tell funny stories, to tell how
that person made life better for them, to
tell of the little things that meant a lot to
them about him.

I am sure the therapist would have a hay
day with this...but I think......
Maybe that is the answer..
Validation... we need validation...