Wednesday, September 06, 2006

I think I am Beginning to get it Now

Some one dear to me has lost a
friend. Immediate, no good byes.
Just here one day, gone the next.
And very tragically ...

As we talked about this, it brought
up memories of a friend of mine who
I lost several years ago. Talked one
minute... 30 minutes later a train takes
her life.

We talked about how to get thru it.
And part of our feelings of such depth
of grieving. Both of these people in
our lives were co workers. So we were
close but not really close close. Meaning
we didn't go shopping together, family
picnic and etc.

But there was a closeness in our other
world. Our jobs. Being we are at our jobs
almost half of our days or even more, deducting
sleep, you have a closeness like family.

So when a person is out of your life at a snap
of God's fingers, so to speak, it opens so many
doors.

Trying to understand why. Trying to adjust to
the emptiness. You have, your up in your face
grieving, unbelieving and then, accepting grieving.

But later comes the total emptiness. The hole
that person leaves in your life. At first we thought
it was the lack of saying good bye. The lack of
closure, that was getting us. But even that didn't
seem like it covered it. Her's of this week,
nor mine of about 5 years ago.

And as I was doing my weekend house work
and being alone in the house and in my thoughts,
it dawn on me... I think I might get it now... Maybe.

Maybe it is how fragile we are as humans on this
earth. How quickly we see, feel, lose, some one
close. No good byes, here.... gone... And how it
could happen to us.

All of us humans live life, taking for granted,
our immortality. We will do this tomorrow. Taking
for granted we will be here tomorrow. And when
we lose someone, here, ..... seconds, hours, or
a day later... without warning... gone. Our
subconscious breaks down, and we don't understand.
We are only left with this feeling. Unexplainable feeling.

My next thoughts are.... now maybe, just maybe
I can understand the surviving (?) arm services
personal, who go over to where ever we send them.
With buddies who have gone thru hell of boot camp,
training, go there, and is a flash of a bomb, or a
gun shot, their buddy is gone. A lot of times more
than one buddy. There is a feeling inside
that can't be explained, can't be shown, hardly talked
about.......... that only ...only.... a fellow soldier
understands. They can't explain it to their mothers,
fathers, brothers or sisters..... and only the people
who have been over there...understand the hurtful,
hollow feeling. And that is what my close-to-my
heart friend and I feel on a far smaller scale.

Time will soften it, but never erase it.

(Even with the lost of an icon, Steve Irwin.
The Crocodile man)
It is part of our lives gone, be it some one close
or an icon the hollowness is there.

1 comment:

little ol' me said...

Hi, Cis...first of all, I really do thank you for your many supportive comments when you've visited my blog. As I think about my advancing years and the delicacy of life, I try to consciously enjoy all the LITTLE things. I don't want to take anything for granted. Sunday afternoon in the park was sunny, perfect, and almost heavenly. Death has a way of attacking us, no matter how we are prepared for it. It always does hit harder when it's someone you know. I just hope God gives me a bunch more years on this planet. I think I marvel at how some good people have to die, while so many bad ones keep on living. "It's God's Will", it's said. I don't know about that, but He did make a beautiful world for us to enjoy. And the rays of sunshine warmed my body and comforted me a bit. So I'll hang on to that feeling.