Family Sandwiches....

Nope, this isn't a post about food... this is about
you and I. And everyone else who has ever had
a single elder parent and children that rely on you. Even
if they don't think they do. Seems like the time your
parents need you, is about the time you have high school
or college children. And you thought your freedom was
close at hand, and you would be traveling. Best laid plans
of mice and men..... Remember how you treat your parents,
is how your children will treat you.

If you have an elder parent who is still living in their
own home, it can be frustrating... some of it by your
own doing. This is meaning parents who are 75 and older.
It is frustrating for both the parent and yourself. Because
you are wondering when to jump in and when to stay out.

If you jump in because you feel Mom or Dad aren't connecting
well with reality, or you keep looking for that time, you
are walking on eggs. They quite well will tell you,
they don't need you or your advice... yet in the next breathe,
say they wish you would do this or that for them.
So you walk the tightrope.

The old saying that one mother can raise 8 children, yet
8 children can't take care of one mother, some times ring
true. Especially when most of those children have moved
away.

Then there is the old play of... well, you were Mom's favorite.
Or Dad always had time for you. Or the ones who live out of
town, second guess what is being done by the ones who live
in town. Adding to this mix, is the parent saying... "well, no
one has time for me".

When my now deceased husband, had visited his mother in Minnesota,
she told him, no one ever comes to see me.. or hardly ever come to
see me... So he sat down with his sisters and told them what Mom
had said. And asked why can't you girls stop by once in a while.
There was silence... for about 3 minutes... then one of them looked
at the other and said, do you want to hit him or should I? Then they
explained. One of the girls was still working. She would stop by every
night after work and see how "mom" was doing. When she shopped,
she would ask if Mom wanted to go, (most of the time told no.) Only day
she did not come by was Sunday. As she went to church and then did
things with her children. The other sister, told how she would go at least
3 times a week, in the morning. Have coffee with Mom, ask if she would
like to go for a ride or is there anything Mom would like.
So when you are the out of town kid, ask questions before you make a
statement.

When in town, take your parents over so the in town children can have
a break. And grandchildren are a great break for the parents too.
And when Mom or Dad complain about your siblings, remember, they are
probably saying the same thing about you, to them... You might think you
are the favorite... but actually you all are. So you get equal praise as well
as equal blame.

And for the ones who parents are so busy they don't have time for
you... consider yourself lucky. Enjoy it while it last.


happy 59 birthday...gg