MY FRIEND....

MY FRIEND…

VIRGINIA TIBBS…

These words, I don’t take for granted…

To be called someone’s friend.. is a special honor.

A few years back, I was talking to a friend who was asking for a name

of someone she could trust with her mother. Her mother had fallen

and needed help.  My friend wanted her mother to be able to stay home,

So wanted some one who would come and help her in an out of the tub.

Someone to vacuum and mop the floors, do the wash. And maybe some

physical therapy.

To make a long story shorter, I ended up being that person. Which started

a wonderful journey for me.  I had retired about 3 years early from working

17+ years in a health care center (nursing home). And wasn’t really thinking

of doing home health..but I thought I would help my friend, Marianne, out

until she found someone she could trust.  It turned out to be a good fit for both

of us and I ended up with a great gal for a friend. Who called me.. MY FRIEND.

She called me by name most of the time, but also referred to me as “my friend” until the past year or so.. as she decline in health.

After all it is hard for a 91 year old to remember all names.. I have trouble from

time to time myself..  But even as she became confused.. she still remembered

my face…. And still called me.. MY FRIEND.  And that was good enough for me.

As time went by in our journey of getting her to walk and be able to transfer

herself with ease.. and able to take care of herself… we bonded. She was

a hoot.  And sometimes even reminded me of my own mother, when she

could be ….. well… let’s say stubborn, and in charge.  And she and my

mother had a lot in common. Both were horsewomen. Both were opinionated.

Had to be in charge. And ran ramrod over their children.  I say this with love.

She became stronger… with the use of her arms.

Which was a funny story too… she wouldn't lift them very high. So I

came up with an idea… she has a electric cart that she use to drove

around the farm. So I came up with the idea, if she drove us around

the farm up and down the 3 driveways… she would have to use her arms

to make the turns… Well, I wanted to start out small.. just two driveways.

But she was determine to show me the farm and get the mail, I told her

that might be a little much for starters..but she was telling me, she was

fine..  so we traveled the 3 driveways, with her making those sharp turns.

We got back to the house, and I asked her how she felt.. she felt great!!

First time she has gotten to drive anything since she fell.  Well, when I showed up 2 days later, I asked her, how do you feel.. she said.. well, my arms hurt. I looked at her and said.. well, do you think the driving of the cart had anything

to do with that.. and it was like a light bulb went on.. and we both laughed.

She really didn’t need me anymore.. yet she and the family still wanted me to

come each week.. sometimes twice a week. Until there came a time of

concern over her safety being alone.

She was an amazing woman.. she was a Rosie Riveter during World War II.

She had a leg injury which left her with a limp at an early age, (I believe at 12)

Yet did not let it ever get her down. It never slowed her down until she was

in her late 80’s. And that was after the fall. She thought nothing of driving

across country, when women didn’t drive across country. She got a divorce

from her first husband and raised her first 3 children by herself.. and then

met the man of her dreams.. her soul mate… and had 3 more children. She

and her husband Harold farmed and raised 6 kids who became wonderful

men and women. All well-educated and did well on their own. And held

court on all of that family, that enlarge 3 time folds.. until dementia started

to work thru… and even then she still was a strong woman. 

We would go to town and buy groceries, go out to lunch.. this was the easiest

job of my lifetime. And laugh.. oh, God, we would laugh. The picture you

see, here is at the horse show that her daughters were showing in and her

third daughter was doing the announcement. I had the pleasure of taking

Virginia to the show. It was like walking down memory lane, as my mother

would show horses as well.. Only my mother’s were English riding and

this was a Western riding one.

Yesterday my friend, Marianne Love, who some of you know as Slight Detour blog writer.. called to tell me that, her Mom, MY FRIEND… had passed away.  With great sadness.. I will miss going over to see my friend, Virginia. But I will have the memories of laughter, the memories of her working hard to regain her strength in her legs.. and  her determination to stay in charge.  But most of all…

I will miss… MY FRIEND… VIRGINIA TIBBS… horse woman…  

My heart goes out to her wonderful family… Mike, Kevin, Marianne, Barbara, Laurie and Jim..  Also the 3 generations or more…. They have a high bar to follow…

But I know they will do well…