Thursday, December 06, 2012

Shake one's faith and beliefs

Nothing puts your faith and beliefs to the test as, death.
Especially a sudden death.

Like most people, I have always believe that when we die
We go to a better place. It is always what one says, when we
hear someone has passed away. That is our faith. That we
go to heaven and live in God’s glory. Some of us even look
forward to that day. Saying we know it will be a glorious day,
We do not fear death.  Myself, I feel that way, just I am not
volunteering quite yet to go.
But if we have a friend or a love one who has cancer or some
other disease, and then passes, we feel it is a blessing.
That is our faith, that is our belief… ….. until…..

About 12 years or so ago, I lost two friends a year apart.

The first one, was in the hospital for an operation. She was
recovering when we went to visit her on our way to a Home and Garden show in Spokane.  We visited for about half an hour.

One the last things we talked about was my birthday, as it was the next day. She said to me, that she was so sorry as she had not had a chance to get me a card and gift.  I told her the best gift she could give me, was to get well and get home.  With that I gave her a hug and told her I would see her soon when she got home. That was Saturday.

I went to work Monday and half way thru the day (I worked day shift that year) word came down that Sherry had to go back in for another surgery. Then word came down before I left that she was doing fine in recovery.  Tuesday, at about 10am, word came down that she had passed away. She had a heart attack and didn’t survive it.

This woman was a mother figure to all of us aides. She was one of our top RN’s… there was not a dry eye in that place, not only by the workers but the residents too.  That took some getting use to. I still put flowers on her grave on Memorial Day.  

Then a year later, I was at home, when the Social worker at our place called me. She asked if I was sitting down. I told her no, and she asked if anyone was with me. I said no. She told me to sit down and then tell her when I did.  So I did as told, as she sounded pretty serious. Then she reported to me that one of our nurses had been hit by a train 2 hours before and died.  This nurse, was one of my more direct bosses. She was 41.Had two teen children.  
And I had talked to her just  half an hour before,
she died. Or even less. As when I was talking to her, she handed the phone to her daughter, while she went out to warm up the car. She was going to give her daughter a ride to bus stop, as she was going to town anyway.
The daughter and I joked around, and then Kelly came back on the phone. We had talked about the scare at work the day before (while I was off)  when they had to evacate the building. By this time I was working the late night shift.  Told her I would call her  the next morning when I got off work, as I was going back in that night. 

I could not believe my ears, I asked her to repeat it. I told her
that can’t be.. I talked to Kelly, just a little over 2 hours ago. I was reassured it was true, the State Police had came to the nursing home to tell the Administrator. … we both cried….

It took at least 2 years go get over that. Why? What happen? She had been over that road a million times. Best they could figure she went to stop, but the road had ice on it, and it skidded her out on to the track in front of the train, that was coming down at 55 mph.

As I tried to apply my faith, my belief, it wasn’t going well. Like I said it took over 2 years… I wanted to scream…but GOD…. I wasn’t done yet… There was so much more to say… I didn’t get to say good bye… I…WASN’T…DONE…YET!!!

I think that is what makes it so hard. The quickness of it. No time to say good bye.. no time to say how much you meant in my life.  No time… to say good ….bye…   I wasn’t ready yet….

I have come to believe, that there is a reason for everything, and some of which God has one, …one I don’t understand… never will… Life does not wrap up neatly like a television show.

I thought of this, this week, because last week, my Pastor lost his father. An unexpected death.. way too soon…with out any notice... and it is tearing him apart. You know He believes… but he didn’t get to say what he would like to say… and he didn’t get to say …..good bye… I love you….



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