Hot?

We have East Coast hook up on our
dish...so we can see programs earlier,
but it also means we get the weather.

Right now they are getting our weather
we have had for the past 3 weeks.
They had it up to 99 and 100!!! Land
sakes alive, they think they are dying.

And of course you have the global warming
thing going too. But I remember in 1963,
I was laying on the kitchen floor 8 months
pregnant, trying to cool off because it was
over 100... Yes, it was El Cajon, California.
But still, no one was talking about the earth
warming up. So I tend to take these things
with a grain of salt.

I am going to share another email funny with
you. It works just right for the weater.
Kind of reminds me of the winter one about
snow. So here you are for your laughing enjoyment.

Dear Diary:
May 30th: Just moved to Dallas... Now this is a
city that knows how to live!! Beautiful sunny days
and warm balmy evenings. What a place!
Watched the sunset from a park lying on a blanket.
It was beautiful. I've finally found my home.
I love it here.

June 14th: Really heating up. Got to 100 today.
Not a problem. Live in an air-conditioned home, drive an
air-conditioned car. What a pleasure to see the
sun everyday like this. I'm turning into a sun worshipper.

June 30th: Had the backyard landscaped with western
plants today. Lots of cactus and rocks. What a
breeze to maintain. No more mowing lawn for me.
Another scorcher today, but I love it here.

July 10th: The temperature hasn't been below 100
all week. How do people get used to this kind of heat?
At least it's kind of windy though. But getting used
to the heat and humidity is taking longer that I expected.

July 15th: Fell asleep by the pool. (Got 3rd degree burns
over 60% of my body.) Missed 3 days of work.
What a dumb thing to do. I learned my lesson though.
Got to respect the ol' sun in a climate like this.

July 20th: I missed Morgan (our cat) sneaking into the
car when I left this morning. By the time I got to the
hot car for lunch, Morgan had died and swollen up to
the size of a shopping bag and stank up the $2,000
leather upholstery. I told the kids that she ran away.
The car now smells like Kibbles and shits. I learned
my lesson though. No more pets in this heat.

July 25th: The wind sucks. It feels like a giant freaking
blow dryer!! And it's hot as hell. The home
air-conditioner is on the fritz and the AC repairman
charged $200 just to drive by and tell me he needed
to order parts.

July 30th: Been sleeping outside by the pool for
3 nights now. $1,500 in damn house payments and
we can't even go inside. Why did I ever come here?

August 4th: It's 105 degrees. Finally got the
air-conditioner fixed today. It cost $500 and gets
the temperature down to 85, but this freaking
humidity makes the house feel like it's about 95.
Stupid repairman peed in my pool. I hate this stupid city.

August 8th: If another wise ass cracks,
"Hot enough for you today?", I'm going to
strangle him. Damn heat.
By the time I get to work the radiator is
boiling over, my clothes are soaking wet,
and I smell like baked cat!!

August 9th: Tried to run some errands after
work. Wore shorts and sat on the black leather
seats in the ol'car. I thought my ass was on fire.
I lost two layers of flesh and all the hair on the
back of my legs and butt. Now my car smells like
burnt hair, fried butt, and baked cat.

August 10th: The weather report might as well
be a damn recording. Hot and sunny. Hot and sunny.
Hot andsunny. It's been too hot to do anything
for 2 damn months and the weatherman says it
might really warmup next week. Doesn't it ever
rain in this damn desert?? Water rationing will
be next,so might as well watch $1700 worth of
cactus just dry up and blow into the damn pool.
Even the cactus can't live in this damn heat.

August 15th: Welcome to HELL!!! Temperature
got to 105 today. Forgot to crack the window and blew the
damn windshield out of the car. The installer came
to fix it and said, "Hot enough for you today?"
My wife had to spend the $1500 house payment
to bail me out of jail.

What kind of a sick demented idiot
would want to live here??