Sunday, March 29, 2009

email of the week

from time to time, I am going to put in the funniest
email of the week... when there is one..
I have gotten this one before..and this week
I got it 4 more times.. still funny ... so here you
are..this week's funniest email.....

Judas Asparagus
If you need a laugh today, then this should do it!
A child was asked to write a book report on the entire Bible.
This is amazing and brought tears of laughter to my eyes.
I wonder how often we take for granted that children
understand what we are teaching???
Through the eyes of a child:

The Children's Bible in a Nutshell

In the beginning, which occurred near the start,
there was nothing but God, darkness, and some gas.
The Bible says,'The Lord thy God is one, but I think
He must be a lot older than that.

Anyway, God said, 'Give me a light!' and someone did.

Then God made the world.
He split the Adam and made Eve.
Adam and Eve were naked,but they weren't embarrassed
because mirrors hadn't been invented yet.

Adam and Eve disobeyed God by eating one bad apple,
so they were driven from the Garden of Eden.....Not sure
what they were driven in though, because they didn't have cars.
Adam and Eve had a son, Cain, who hated his brother
as long as he was Abel.

Pretty soon all of the early people died off, except for
Methuselah, who lived to be like a million or something.

One of the next important people was Noah, who was a
good guy, but one of his kids was kind of a Ham. Noah
built a large boat and put his family and some animals
on it. He asked some other people to join him, but they
said they would have to take a rain check.

After Noah came Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. Jacob
was more famous than his brother, Esau, because Esau
sold Jacob his birthmark in exchange for some pot roast.
Jacob had a son named Joseph who wore a really loud sports coat.

Another important Bible guy is Moses, whose real name
was Charlton Heston. Moses led the Israel Lights out of
Egypt and away from the evil Pharaoh after God sent
ten plagues on Pharaoh's people. These plagues included
frogs, mice, lice, bowels, and no cable.

God fed the Israel Lights every day with manicotti.
Then he gave them His Top Ten Commandments.
These include: don't lie, cheat, smoke, dance, or covet
your neighbor's stuff.
Oh, yeah, I just thought of one more: Humor thy father
and thy mother.

One of Moses' best helpers was Joshua who was the first
Bible guy to use spies. Joshua fought the battle of Geritol
and the fence fell over on the town.

After Joshua came David. He got to be king by killing a
giant with a slingshot. He had a son named Solomon who
had about 300 wives and 500 porcupines. My teacher says
he was wise, but that doesn't sound very wise to me.

After Solomon there were a bunch of major league prophets.
One of these was Jonah, who was swallowed by a big whale
and then barfed up on the shore.

There were also some minor league prophets, but I guess
we don't have to worry about them.
After the Old Testament came the New Testament.
Jesus is the star of The New. He was born in Bethlehem
in a barn. (I wish I had been born in a barn too, because my
mom is always saying to me, 'Close the door! Were you born
in a barn?' It would be nice to say, 'As a matter of fact, I was.')

During His life, Jesus had many arguments with sinners like
the Pharisees and the Democrats.
Jesus also had twelve opossums.
The worst one was Judas Asparagus. Judas was so evil that
they named a terrible vegetable after him.

Jesus was a great man. He healed many leopards and even
preached to some Germans on the Mount.

But the Democrats and all those guys put Jesus on trial before
Pontius the Pilot. Pilot didn't stick up for Jesus. He just
washed his hands instead.

Anyways, Jesus died for our sins, then came back to life again.
He went up to Heaven but will be back at the end of the Aluminum.
His return is foretold in the book of Revolution.

So I leave you laughing.

1 comment:

MarmiteToasty said...

giggling :)