Sunday, May 08, 2016

To my children...


1. I  taught you all TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE .
'If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning.

2. I taught you all  RELIGION.
'You better pray that will come out of the carpet.'

3. I taught you all  about TIME TRAVEL .
'If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of Next week!'

4. I   taught you all  LOGIC.
'Because I said so, that's why.'

5. I taught I taught  MORE LOGIC .'
If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not goingTo the store with me.'

6.I mother taught me FORESIGHT.
'Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident.'

7. I  taught me IRONY
'Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about.'

8. I  taught you all  about the science of OSMOSIS
.'Shut your mouth and eat your supper.'

9. I taught you all about CONTORTIONISM .
'Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck?'

10. I  taught you all  about STAMINA.
'You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone.'

11. I  taught  you all about WEATHER.
'This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it.'

12. I taught you all about HYPOCRISY.
'If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!'

13. I taught  you all  the CIRCLE OF LIFE .
'I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.'

14. I  taught you all  about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
'Stop acting like your father!'

15.  I taught you all  about ENVY.
'There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't
Have wonderful parents like you do.'

16. I  taught you all  about ANTICIPATION
.'Just wait until we get home.'

17. I  taught you all about RECEIVING .
'You are going to get it when you get home!'

18. I taught you all  MEDICAL SCIENCE.
'If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way.'

19. I  taught you all  ESP.
'Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?'

20. I  taught you all  HUMOR
'When that lawn mower cuts off your foot, don't come running to me.'

21. I  taught you all  HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT
'If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up.'

22. I  taught you all GENETICS.
'You're just like your father.

'23. I  taught you all  about my ROOTS.
'Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?'

24. I taught you all  WISDOM.
'When you get to be my age, you'll understand.'

25. And my favorite: (and this my favorite..)
I  taught you all  about JUSTICE
'One day you'll have kids, I hope they turn out just like you.'

And don't forget to call your mother in law on Mother's day.. because

if she is the one who gave you ..... your wonderful spouse... 

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